Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Who Needs April Fools When There's Texas?

As ridiculous as this post seems, it's all 100% true. Seriously, I can't make this shit up.

Across from one of our favorite neighborhood restaurants is one of the many lingerie/toy shops in the neighborhood. No, we don't live in a red-light district: Houston firmly supports the idea of families...which seems to include the making of said families.

Of course, in Texas ALL sex toys are illegal so they're only sold as "adult novelties." 

Apparently, vibrators are so dangerous here they require super-not-secret-spy code names. Stupid. 

Anyway, on our way in to get dinner, I noticed the following: 

Lingerie, Adult Novelties, Smoke Shop
 I have only one question here.

What, exactly, is being blown in the blow-out sale?
So exciting the blow-up dude bends over backwards!
Oh, just to make the absurdity that much more inappropriately fun? 

The restaurant serves fish tacos. 

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

No More Jameson For You, Wampa

I found this in my office today:

Drunk Wampa is drunk. Or sad. 

I suspect someone's been hitting the whiskey bottle on top of the fridge.

It occurs to me that the monster is now out of the closet. The physical closet, I mean...I don't claim to have any knowledge on Wampa's preferences, nor do I think it's really any of my business.

No, of course that's not a scepter of power next to him.

THAT WOULD BE SILLY.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Things I'll Miss in Texas

I'm having a fairly craptastic week, writing-wise. And so, while I'm not quite up for a real blog post, I did want to write something not totally pathetic. And therefore: shit I'll miss about Texas.

1) Ocean (or in this case, the Gulf). As always, leaving the sea creates an ache of sorts, a missing that can't be assuaged by lakes. I'll miss living only an hour away from surf. I'll miss the particular ocean salt-damp quality of the breeze when it occasionally reaches my neighborhood. 

Yeah, it's true I'm 


video



2) I'll miss the super weird critters...

OMG THE ABYSS IS REAL YOU GUYS!
Where's Ed Harris when you need him??
Greetings Earthling.  I'm here to...sting the shit out of you.
(FYI: reliable sources indicate pee doesn't work on jellyfish stings...
NO I DIDN'T TRY! I don't poke at aliens!) 
 3) The super awesome people (as opposed to the shitty drivers and total douchcanoes in certain industries, MOST of the people we've met here are really excellent).

4) I'll miss these little dudes who randomly appear in/on/around my house to eat bugs.
Clearly he's hungry...dragging a TX sized mosquito along for the ride. 
5) It was nearly 80 degrees today. Because it was 30-something and snowy in Minnesota, I can say I'll miss the winter down here.

6) Super awesome neighbors who DON'T leave nasty messages on my car about dog shit (particularly when my dogs don't ever go in the front yard, so...yeah, not my dogs). But in a year we had one buttface incident, and the rest of the time has been awesome neighbor-wise, even with my barking idiots.

7) THE FOOD. Really. I could do multiple blog posts just on the food here.

But I'm excited to go home. I miss too many people too acutely to live so far. I mean, come ON...who wouldn't miss this face:

Evil likes big trucks (and she cannot lie). 
Or this one??

Han  is exhausted cleaning two barney-bowls of dinner.

Haven't seen them in person since Christmas. Not long now...