Thursday, July 24, 2014

UPDATED: Why Yes, I DO Prefer Non-Test-Tube Men, Thanks

Sign on my way to work this morning:

Homemade   males*

Now I'm 99% certain the males in my life of all species in all capacities are 100% homemade by their parents. No plastic Ken dolls here, and no test tube or clones. 

Of course, one can never be certain the body snatchers or Stepford scientists haven't been here, I guess.

Perhaps the Ancient Aliens dude with the super hair has a point? Are Homemade Males off the rack or custom made? 

That's not weird or gross at ALL...

*P.S. Said sign is for a Mexican restaurant; pretty sure it just lost the "Ta" from tamales. 

Which prompts the "what sauce options come with homemade males" question.

UPDATE: the raging discussion at work today is exactly what SORTS of upgrades and add-on options are available from a Homemade Males store.

Sadly, a cleaning option seem to be the most popular (self-cleaning AND house-cleaning were mentioned).

Monday, July 21, 2014

Mythic Monday: The Hind

No, no, I'm not referring to the butt of anything.

In honor of this weekend's release of the fabulous Dwayne Johnson's rendition of Hercules, today I'm covering The Ceryneian Hind. The Golden Hind: Cerynitis. Herc's 3rd of his twelve labors...which are really another post that I won't put up until AFTER the movie is actually released because spoilers are a jerk move.

So, as the tale is told Artemis (Goddess of the hunt, the moon, and all things wild and free) protected five golden hinds. Four hinds faithfully pulled her chariot. The fifth was nowhere to be found.

At the same time, Heracles returned to King Eurystheus having successfully completed his first two Labors, both of which were designed by the King and the Goddess Hera to kill Heracles. Foiled twice, they conspired a Labor that Heracles would likely fail, and if he managed to succeed would draw the wrath of Artemis. He could not win, no matter the outcome of his hunt.

So Eurystheus sent Heracles to capture the Hind alive. Heracles, bound by his word, set off to track and capture the huge doe reported to have golden antlers like a stag and bronze hooves. This proved to be a tough job: Cerynitis could run faster than any arrow, and she eluded Heracles for a full year before he finally trapped her.

The actual way in which he defeated her is varied: some say he shot an arrow between her front legs, tripping her up while she ran. Some say he wrestled her into submission, breaking an antler in the process. Some say he snuck upon her while she slept, others that he caught her in a net, laming her.

In any case, Heracles caught the Hind...and promptly also caught the attention of Artemis. Instead of punishing him, however, Artemis was moved by Heracles' admiration of the Hind's beauty and prowess (which implies he did not lame her in any way). Artemis knew why Eurystheus and Hera sent Heracles after her creature, and chose to forgive Heracles the moment he promised to free Cerynitis. Thus he thwarted another Goddess's anger and saved his demigod skin.

Heracles returned to King Eurystheus with Cerynitis and discovered the King intended to trap the doe in his menagerie. Heracles wasn't just a musclehead, however, and had a plan. He agreed to turn over the Hind on the condition the King take her from him.

Eurystheus agreed...and the moment Heracles released Cerynitis she was gone, faster than the King or any of his men could possibly follow, running to the safety of her Goddess.

Heracles went on to the next twisted Labor the King and Hera invented, and Cerynitis (contrary to the TV show) did not marry the demigod.

PS: Pronunciation as follows, as far as I'm aware (hey Greek cousins, feel free to weigh in if I'm off here).

Heracles: Hair-a-klees (the Greek name for Hercules)
Eurystheus: Yuris-thee-us
Ceryneian: Ker-in-ee-an
Cerynitis: Ker-in-I-tis (C in Greek names is pronounced K)

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Nothing Makes My Day Quite Like Han

Last week was filled with extremes of both joy and misery for me. I am reminded that I can only fix things I have control over, and I only have control over my own motivations and reactions. In the midst of the emotional roller coaster, I received the following set of pictures.

We are celebrating the arrival of Han's brand spankin' new sister (who really needs a Blog name..."Han" isn't Han's real name either), and all of the family is trying to make sure big brother gets attention as well.

Normally I'd caption these, but they truly need no caption at all. There is nothing that captures the adorableness of happy exploration quite as excellently as Han, chasing bubbles.

I seriously miss that kid.