Friday, August 29, 2008

Ahh, sweet Karma

Two weeks ago Renaissance Festival started, and both hubby and I were reminded exactly why we love it out there so much: saw all the old friends we hadn't seen for a year, relaxed instead of the usual 14 hour days, and had a MAJOR karmic bonus on top of it all.

One of the two major drama-causers in our life (there are 3 total, but one left the state some years ago), in fact, THE major drama-causer for me out at Fest, was REMOVED FROM SITE. WOOHOO!!! that bitch is too broke to come out without a job, and after being fired from the JC's she has very little chance of finding something that will pay, becuase she'll be considered untrustworthy by the crafters. Here's the best part: I did absolutely nothing except ignore her for the past 5 years. I never responded to her persistent rumor-spreading, never bothered to confront her face to face, because I knew that she'd screw it up for herself before long. And she did: people who meet her generally like her until they get to know her better, then she's dropped like a rotten diaper. Why? Because she's a drama-queen who seems to need to be the center of attention, even if that means hurting the people around her, and eventually her behavior catches up.

I'm not a good enough person to just say "huh" and move on without giving this downfall some due, because while I pity her for her mentalness, I'm not above feeling vindicated in some small way. And now that she's out of the Festival, at least for now, maybe I can enjoy it without hearing her call out rumor comments every time I walk by. Her blog, by the way, is hilarious, because she's a raving liar and tries desperately to convince everyone else that she's honest. Ugh. And then she wonders why boyfriends drop her as soon as they spend any time together and friends back off after a short time. So yeah, I pity her, but I'm still really happy she won't be out there to harrass me and Hubby this season.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thirty F-ing One

It was my birthday on Sunday. Whoopee? I'm now officially in my 30's instead of standing on the border...and as usual it makes me introspective. What have I done, what haven't I done, what should I do: add to that I've been stressed out since Con and I'm just glad it's over. Fest starts next week, my 'rents will be in town, and maybe my life will take one some sense of normal...or at least as normal as my life ever gets!

I wonder sometimes if I'm a good enough friend to people: I could probably name at least four or five people I consider fairly casual acquaintences even though they clearly consider me to be a friend. That's not to say I couldn't consider them closer friends eventually, but I'm not generally and instant-connection person: I just don't trust people for a very, very long time. I could probably figure out the reasons why if I wanted to sit down and really think about it, but the short version is I'm just a small inner circle sort of person, I guess. I feel bad about that sometimes, though, because I've probably hurt some of them with seeming indifference. *sigh* Told you I'm introspective...

My cousin is getting married in 3 days. A cousin I babysat when she was really little...under 5. I feel old people. Old! And at the same time I feel like I have lotsa time. How weird is that?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Craigslist and Relationships

Over the past month I've been conducting an experiment on the Craigslist personals pages. 4 times I've put 3 or 4 messages in various places on the Casual Encounters pages.

99% of the messages are flagged in the first 5 minutes, regardless of the topic or page it was placed. Interesting: who flagged them? Why? A mystery that will doubtless never be solved. Of those that are left, almost all the responses are from married men...most of them specifically say they're married and looking for something on the side, or their wives aren't satisfying them, or whatever other pathetic excuse they're using to troll the net for a fling. Only a few asked if I'm a real person or if my *ahem* offer was real.

The questions about these married men trolling the web are numerous: 1) how many of them respond to ads just to see if they can get a responce (which begs the question, if given the opportunity would they truly cheat)? 2) How many of them are actually being married gives a better impression of NSA (no strings attached) if they're looking for a quickie with someone they can discard? 3) is this the new, interactive version of Playboy or Penthouse, or is it REALLY a place people use to hook up?

I found one response to my ads in particular personally interesting, which caused me to really think about the possible motiviations for a man to read the casual encounters ads and respond. Given the volume of response (my last post had over 200 responses in 3 hours) there are either a WHOLE lot of assholes in my city or there are a whole lotta bored boys looking for a little excitement, and not necessarily the physical act: I wonder how many of them would've followed through and how many were just responding to see what would happen.

Are men wired to have trouble with monogomy? Will any man cheat if given the opportunity? I can't to believe that, because I think if I could it would be impossible for me to be in any relationship...with a man OR a woman. Believing most of a gender is wired to cheat just isn't fair to either gender. However, there are documented studies about men being more easily stimulated by visual cues and it's possible the fantasy is exciting enought to prompt responding to the ads. When faced with choosing between the fantasy or a real wife, which would they choose?

Gods help the man whose wfe finds a response her husband sent to ads in that section. If those boys are looking for a little excitement in their lives, it's bound to get exciting in their households when they're caught.

I have jealousy on occasion, sometimes seriously uncomfortable jealous thoughts. They're irrational and based on my own fear of being left because I'm not good enough. I try to control them, but they're there all the same. However, I've noticed that spending a lot of time on CL looking at the ads and rants and raves have exacerbated those feelings when I've had them. A fact my poor husband has to deal with and probably doesn't even know why. Hopefully I'll continue to be lucky enough to have a man willing to put up with my occasional craziness and love me enough to work it out, because I think if I couldn't talk about stuff and work through it I'd end up hitting the self destruct button on my marriage without intending to.

I wonder how often that happens with the people on the CL personals?

The New Feminism Conundrum

The bleach in the washing machine is making my eyes burn. *sigh* Housekeeping is not my forte. And on that note, I found the most interesting article on CNN today:

100 years ago, suffragettes rode in wagons through the streets of Tombstone. In the 1920's the women fighting for the right to vote were imprisoned and tortured with force-feeding, someties to the death. In the 50's Rosie the Riveter gave back her dungarees to be the perfect housewife, which led directly to the fight my mother's generation for their rights. The Feminist fight has always been for the right of a woman to choose her own path through life, first through the vote and later through the resistance to traditional home-bound roles.

Now that plethora of choices has resulted in some women staying home. Not to be a mom, just to be at home. Stay-at-home moms often complain their working friends and acquaintances look down on them for choosing to accept the traditional role of raising her children. What about the woman who chooses to accept the traditional role of homemaker even though she has no children. Will she be seen as selfish and spoiled, or gutsy enough to follow her own happiness (clearly this only works with the support of a spouse, male or female) regardles of what society thinks?

I know the feminist push of my mother's time was to get career oriented women accepted into the workplace, and we still have some serious obstacles in breaking through the glass ceiling (my company's board, for instance, has NO women on the international level and only ONE on the national level). I can see, however, that the point of feminism was to give us the choice to do what WE want to do with our lives...if that means a woman gets to fulfill her dream of becoming Charlotte and having a magazine-quality home, go for it!

I can't help but wonder, though, how long anyone with the drive to get a master's degree will be happy not working outside the home?

Then again, I'd write full time if I could afford it, and wouldn't that be working at home? Isn't that a weird choice compared to the droves of young women working their asses off to climb the corporate ladder?

Monday, August 04, 2008

Tempting Fate

So my last post, as I look back today, could very well be the root of all my relationship issues over the past month and a half. Clearly I tempted the fates with my statements about love, and the fates decided I need a reminder.


Why must the bumps in our road consistently be in mid-summer when we're supposed to be happy and out having fun in a non-winter environment, and WHY must they be right around my birthday every f-ing year???

Is it because we get so busy in the spring due to cabin fever that communication skills fall by the wayside and the fallout occurs mid-summer? Is it just general restlessness? I don't know, but I'm pretty damn sick of worrying, and even more sick of not talking everything out.