Thursday, May 31, 2012

Archaeology Smarchaeology!

My nerdy passions don't involve iPhones, droids, space travel, or computer technology: I'm fascinated by the way people lived thousands of years ago, before the industrial revolution, before TV and Internet (yes, Virginia, I indeed grew up when not everyone had cable TV and almost no one had cell phones).

There's a reason I didn't go the archaeology professor route in my life, however: in my experience, some professional academics have a really difficult time admitting they're wrong, and hold on to theories as facts. Theories are theories, not facts. A friend of mine told me once that archaeologists don't say "I don't know what this was or what it was for" when an obscure object is discovered. it likely had ceremonial or religious significance" when the scholar has NO IDEA what it is Also, there's an overwhelming attitude that people from 100 years ago, 500 years, 1000, 5000 years ago were ignorant, less advanced in their thinking, or just downright childish and stupid compared to people living today. I find that condescending and, well, rude, and therefore I'm entertained when articles like this one about ancient sailors hit the news.

Amazingly enough, people were able to navigate without a compass, sextant, radar, or GPS: technology is supposed to help make knowledge easier to access. It doesn't replace the knowledge itself. I wonder just how much of the knowledge humanity had collected over millenia that burned in the Library of Alexandria has never been re-learned?
In 1000 years, people watching history shows will look back on our way of life and shake their heads too, amazed at how horrible our lives were compared to theirs.

I wonder if Internet porn will survive for future generations to label us as perverted deviants? I think so: porn is universal, after all, and at least future archaeologists won't be able to lop off offending body parts if the porn is all digital. If you got that reference you, reader, are just as nerdy as I.


If not: 19th century "archaeologists" excavating in Egypt, Greece and Rome decided all artwork/statues/mosaics/friezes featuring genitalia was "indecent" and systematically chopped off/carved out all penises they could. Why? Because they couldn't offend modern sensibilities with ancient porn, of course. Sad but true.

Nah, 4th Graders Are Ok...

Posted on Facebook today: Seriously people, I don't dislike children!!

But I'm still amused.

I have OPK (Other People's Kids) in that 2nd - 6th grade range, and I have to say I greatly enjoy them in general. They're balancing on this fantastic edge of "I want to be cool, so I'm attempting smart-ass-ery" and "I'm still a kid who's totally entertained by cartoons, still likes my teddy bear and Mom, and is easily entertained by furniture forts."

Recently one of my favorite kids in the universe turned 15...and got her driver's permit. THAT horrifies me. Not enough to lynch 9th graders though...even they're still generally ok in my book.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Chewy: Exhausted Hoarder

Chewy waited until Thor wasn't looking, stole the much-abused tennis ball, and climbed to his normal spot on the couch.

Where he promptly fell asleep, apparently exhausted from his efforts to again thieve toys from his brother.

Later he snored loud enough to wake himself up. Startled, he dropped the ball, barked incessantly, and searched the whole house for the horrible snoring monster that scared him.

Dogs: better than cable.

Fancy-Pants Hotel, or Den of Iniquity?

Last weekend we had an un-aptly-named "Staycation," because neither of us had the available PTO to go to Florida with the rest of the family.

We stayed here: The Graves 601, partially because the location is pretty darn ideal for wandering around downtown Minneapolis (The Graves is across from Target Center/Target Field, next to Kieran's Irish Pub, 2 blocks away from Nicollet Mall, and right next to a Starbucks...not that the Starbucks locale had ANYTHING to do with my decision when making reservations. Really!), partially because the price was slightly less than a few other luxury hotels in the area, and partially because I'm morbid and enjoyed the idea of staying in "The Graves."

The room was Ikea-esque: ultra modern with the whole low-profile bed, small-ish modern furniture, and a shower-only bathroom. Of course, the shower-only bathroom was acceptable since it was one of those 5 head massaging showers that hit you from the top of your head to your knees...awesome.

What I was NOT aware of (nor does their website say this anywhere): the Graves is a totally suggestive sex room. Is that because it's across from a major concert venue or because it's a business hotel during the week? I'm not sure, and honestly I don't think I want to know.

The naughtiness begins with artwork:

Those are supposed to be a woman holding a pear. That does NOT look like a pear to me: that looks like a weird, bumpy, GIANT green scrotum. Seriously, alien testicles on the wall in our room, cradled gently by a female hand. So apparently it was a sci-fi sex room.

Then we looked in the mini bar. Not only was there some premium (and ridiculously expensive) mini-bottles of booze (crown royal...for $15 a shot), but the "extras" in the minibar included:
  • A disposable camera.
  • A "female intimacy kit" in a charming black box, including various lubes.
  • A "regular" intimacy kit, including 2 condoms and "gynecological" wet wipes.
  • A shoehorn.
  • A wine bottle opener.
  • A bandage/first aid kit (in case the shoehorn didn't work?)
  • Two types of suggestively labeled breath mints.
On the flip side, the food in the hotel's restaurant was fantastic, the view was pretty awesome, and the staff was very nice and accommodating. All in all I'd recommend that hotel for a romantic weekend, but maybe without the alien nut art.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Sluts and Harlots: The Moms Need Feminist Education

Today, I saw this on The Stir:
and it makes me both disappointed and sad.

Regardless of my stance on teenagers dirty dancing at a school function, these women's reactions were utterly ridiculous, sexist, and downright misogynistic. What, you didn't think women can hate women?

If your boyfriend/husband/lover looks at, flirts, or even cheats, who do you blame first? The man, or the woman for "tempting" him or "stealing" him? Do we call men homewreckers for breaking up a marriage?  Women often have a much harder time "allowing" their partners to have female friends than vice versa, in my observations, because women don't trust women. And it all stems from stupid shit like this.

Why did these idiots immediately label TEENAGE GIRLS sluts and harlots? First off, pretty sure they were grinding WITH BOYS. But the boys weren't berated and hey, let's start the shame bandwagon as early as possible, shall we?

I hope those idiots get the public berating THEY deserve, for bullying and degrading teenage girls when they could've just said "seriously, both of you, no dirty dancing" and gone from there. I'm so disgusted and disappointed.