Things Ragnar Ate Episode 4: The Reeking

I hate cicada season. HATES it, Precious.

Ragnar doesn't give a hoot (or a bark, or a howl, or some weird middle-of-the-night snuffle-grunt that scares the shit out of his owner) about cicadas. 

Ragnar cares deeply about the innards of stuffed animals. And shoes. And walls. 

So, lately in the list of Things Ragnar Ate: 

• Another pair of flip flops - sadly, Crocs are in some sort of trouble and he keeps eating my sandals...and I'm insane enough to attempt to thwart him by buying another pair and hoping I don't forget to put them out of reach. Oh come now, do we REALLY think I'm capable of keeping them safe from the one-shoe-eater? 
• A full bag of strawberry Twizzlers - I expect to clean up something resembling the results of Strawberry Shortcake kegger later.
• Something that could be a melon-ball sized ball of butter, a hard boiled egg yolk, or possibly some sort of alien eyeball, covered with ants - I mean, he's a damn master at finding weird shit in the yard as well as leaving weird shit in the yard. However, the eye-rolling and frantic snorting when he gets an ant up his nose is utterly priceless. 
• Just another hole in the wall - Pink Floyd would be proud, I'm sure. For those counting, this makes three. Is there a psychiatrist out there who treats pica in dogs? I don't get his fascination with sheetrock. 
• Weiner Dog and Olaf guts - not real ones. But his weiner dog stuffed animal is now gutless and I spent a good 20 minutes picking up fluff even as he looked me in the eye and slooooooowly pulled out more stuffing, like a creepy serial killer. Who makes a stuffed dog toy of another dog, anyway? Disturbing. 
• Every throw pillow in this house - because he's a fucker who obviously hates my naps. 
• A goose egg. Where the fuck did he find a GOOSE EGG, and WHY WAS IT ROTTEN? - I mean crawling with maggots, green and black inside, death-stench rotten. What the fuck have people been doing in this townhome complex, really? 

If I catch the person leaving rotten goose eggs or weird yellow balls of something icky in the yard, I suspect they'll find an unidentifiable stench in their yard...far away from my stinky-breathed-dog.

If Those Who Forget History are Doomed to Repeat It, What Happens to Those Who Destroy It?

This is not a funny post.  I'm so goddamned angry* and sad, and so helpless to do anything it becomes a terrible, self-sustaining circle if I'm not careful. I recognize there is truly nothing I can do about this, and so I'm venting here because...well, because it's a place I can vent I suppose.

CNN is reporting today that ISIS has entered the Syrian city Tadmur; the modern overlay of the ancient city Palmyra. I got teary eyed reading it. Palmyra is one of my favorite historical sites. Yeah yeah, I know, most people have no idea what that means.On the heels of bulldozing Nimrud into dust (which also made me tear up), ISIS is continuing their apparent goal of wiping all historically significant evidence of life before their own disgustingly evil culture off of the world. 

I had goals, once upon a time, to visit those places "someday when I'm less likely to die there." I wanted to see the great Assyrian ruins, to be surrounded by some of the oldest walls made by humans. As of this post, Archaeology magazine has confirmed that Palmyra has fallen. I imagine it won't be long before bulldozers come out. I  know, it's a standard of war to destroy monuments. The Parthanon was used as target practice in WWII, after all. It just makes me terribly sad to watch the fall of some of my favorite historical sites from a world away.

I did a paper or two in college on Palmyra. I desperately wanted to visit the seat of the Palmyrene empire, the empire Queen Zenobia ruthlessly expanded into Roman territory in the late 200's, conquering modern day Syria, Turkey, Palestine, Libya, and eventually ruling Egypt. In 271 she was defeated and taken captive by Roman Emperor Aurelian. She was a cool lady. A badass. 

I think I've been fairly clear on this blog that I often root for the underdog, and I'm feminist in general...I'm a huge fan of Boudicca and the Iceni revolt against Nero in 69AD. She's one of my favorite tragic historical figures. I'm a fan of Cleopatra, although for different reasons (I recognize her talent for working within the Roman political system, using all assets available to her to gain and maintain her power for as long as she had it). I think Queen Zenobia is greater than both Boudicca and Cleopatra in her resistance against (and conquest of) Rome barring one detail: she allowed herself to be captured and was paraded through the streets of Rome in chains (albeit golden chains, if legend is to be believed) in front of the populace.

The Queen of an empire encroaching upon Rome was publicly defeated and cowed. Some legends say she was so beautiful and proud the Emperor secretly moved her to a private villa away from the city where she eventually married a Senator and lived out her days as a wealthy Roman matron with successful descendants. It's possible. It's equally as possible that she rotted in a cell and was quietly forgotten so she couldn't become a martyr to her people, the way Boudicca, Cleopatra, and Vercingetorix (people, you should be concerned that I can spell that correctly from memory) had become after their deaths. 

Obscurity, after all, is the ultimate punishment, and in Zenobia's case it worked to a large extent: if you ask someone on the street who Cleopatra was they'll likely have heard the name, at least. 

I wanted to see Palmyra someday. I still want to walk the canyon in Petra. I want to visit Jerusalem, and Babylon, see the pyramids, visit the Colosseum and Forum in Rome... all the ancient seats of civilization. I want to LEARN from our past as human beings.

I suppose I want a Zenobia or Vercingetorix to successfully rise against this force intent upon destroying everything in their path as "unholy" including women, knowledge, education, and history.
Because once they're finished enslaving Syria people and blowing up history, ISIS will move on into Israel, or Egypt. 

What happens when they try to bulldoze one of the Pyramids at Giza? 

*I'm focused on historical destruction here, because ISIS's systematic destruction and repression of women is something about which I cannot coherently blog, yet.

Update: Screaming Worms.

Turns out it's "web worms" (a couple people called them silkworms, but I didn't see any silk...just gross maggoty things that moved in time with the beat of Chewy's feet as he walked by).

Husband thinks Chewy is purposefully amassing an army of worms to create air-support (as they do eventually turn into moths, after eating all the leaves off my maple).

I think it'd take a LOT more than two nests of about thirty worms each to turn into enough moths to pick that dog's monstrous fluffy form off the ground.

Anyway, like any good interneter I found various solutions to my webby worm issues (other than calling an exterminator, which would be really stupid for two baseball-sized nests in low branches I can cut out myself):

1) open the webs to let wasps/birds get to the worms to eat them.

How about FUCK NO I'm not putting my fingers anywhere near that webbing. Nope no nopedy nope.

2) Open the web (what part of NOPE did the list miss??) and spray roach/bug killer into the nest.

Apparently the opaquely see-through web nest hive of writhing maggots is impervious to bird beaks, chemicals, and wasp stingers. WTF.

3) burn it.

YES.

Yesterday afternoon I quite happily directed wayward worms attempting to escape the flaming goodness of their nest burning in the fire pit back into their little hell. No, I'm not sorry.

Chewy's not speaking to me, though.

Entertaining Empathy For a Change

I have a funny post pending for tomorrow. Today is something else I need to discuss. Today I am not funny. I read a lot of online news and such (it's slow at work right now), and the past few days I've been pretty disgusted. 

Do you know there was a fatal car crash in Houston today? A woman with two small boys, ages 4 and 6, hit a tree. She was killed, her boys were injured. While waiting for help to arrive, bystanders saw people STEALING THE GROCERIES FROM THE FRONT SEAT OF HER CAR. With a dead woman and injured children still in the car. I'm horrified at the thieves AND at the bystanders.

In Dallas yesterday, a car hit the median and flipped over. By the time the police arrived, they could do nothing but watch the car burn with two people inside and hope to god the passengers were dead already for mercy's sake. The officer who spoke about it was ashen-faced and teary-eyed. Bystanders videotaped the whole incident on their cell phones. No one attempted to help before the car started on fire.

I can't even begin to discuss the #YesAllWomen comments I've seen from both sides. I understand the anger, I empathize with many of the stories relayed through the movement. I'm disgusted by the troll commentary. I've lived similar situations and dealt with the ingrained sexism in our culture. But I also see that common sense is being set aside. I'm a realist who appreciates the idealism of social movements but understands the predators, criminals, and assholes out there will never allow an ideal state to occur. I'm a feminist who believes firmly in equality and respect between the sexes should be the way of the world, but who also knows how to (and regularly DO) adjust my behavior, dress, and attentiveness based on my situation and surroundings. That's not giving in to sexist society: that's consciously taking responsibility for my own safety, which I believe is a necessary outlook for women and men. I've seen too much backlash against men as a gender, which doesn't' allow for any attempt at mutual understanding. To the girl who bitchily tried to force a male ER nurse from his table at lunchtime yesterday, loudly proclaiming his wish to eat his lunch at the table he was at first was sexist and he should move "BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN AND I WANT IT," I wish I'd been there. I would've slapped you across the face, you entitled idiot. Women like you are just as sexist as the sexism you protest, and you aren't helping equality at fucking all.

Do you know what the #YesAllWomen movement has in common with the current uproar about the US trading Gitmo prisoners for a POW who may or may not have been a deserter? I assure you, there IS a commonality here.

COMPASSION. EMPATHY. SYMPATHY. RESPECT. Specifically, the utter LACK of compassion, empathy or sympathy displayed by individual and the "mob" right now.

This is more than a common courtesy issue: this is a significant public inability or refusal to bother thinking, even for a single instant, how the person being attacked might feel.

Yes, that absolutely applies to both #YesAllWomen and the backlash against it. It also applies to the fight women face in places like Afghanistan and India where the threat of attack, rape, and death is a very real and constant thing. It applies in places like Saudi Arabia where women are legally considered children. It applies in the Sudan where men and women can be killed for being the wrong religion. It applies in Uganda where a gay couple can be murdered legally for who they love. Anytime a society sees a group of people as sub-human, property, or less-than-equal in any way that society gives permission to cruelty. Period.

So what about this POW all over the news? I saw today President Obama will not apologize for bringing him home. Good. He shouldn't. He did the right thing. I don't give a hoot whether you voted for President Obama or not: the man enforced a basic Military value, a basic American value even, in bringing home a soldier languishing for FIVE YEARS in terrorist custody.

And yet, that man's hometown has been attacked by an incensed mob for planning a welcome-home party. A welcome home party the town has held annually since the Sergeant was captured as a "bring him home" party, which is now cancelled. That man's parents have been attacked in the media, called terrorist sympathizers, called traitors and worse. Why?  Because the dad said he wouldn't shave his beard until his son was home. Because his dad tried through Twitter to get the Taliban to release his son. Because they loved their son, who was held against his will by deadly people in a situation that could result in long-term torture or his death. What parent wouldn't fight to get their kid back?

I don't give a flying fuck whether that kid was attempting to desert or just out for a pee when he got captured. I don't know how he was captured. I don't know what was going on in his unit or during his tour. Experts are currently battling it out publicly whether he "deserved" to come home and if he's responsible for other soldiers' deaths. That's a military matter for the military court to determine: NOT the court of armchair quarterbacks squawking over each other for ratings and political clout. It's really so disheartening and disgusting. I didn't live through five years of captivity by the enemy. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WENT THROUGH. Ultimately, the media is so intent on demonizing this man and his family they've utterly lost the point of the whole situation. Criminal or not, he belongs in his home country, even if that's for review of his former actions. It's up to his military to determine wrongdoing and mete out punishment or not: that has no bearing on whether a US soldier should be left to rot in a POW prison. Period.

And you know what, Fox News Media people and other trolls? It's ok to let those parents celebrate the fact that their son is alive and back on US soil. It's ok for them to be happy his ordeal at the hands of the enemy is over. It's ok for them to celebrate their son is alive. And if it's discovered later that he should serve time for desertion or anything else, at least he's back in the US.

I firmly believe if you want to follow the "be the change you want to see in the world" you are responsible for fostering the improvements. Call it paying something forward. Call it protecting someone from bullying, or calling out someone (respectfully) on their shitty behavior when it happens and saying that's not acceptable. I'm a huge introvert. I avoid people often and generally prefer not to be bothered. If I'm able to think about what it might be like in someone else's shoes and have basic respect for people as human beings, it's not that goddamned difficult.

Will it backfire on you sometimes? Absofuckinglutely. Does that matter? Not even a little bit. What if that one moment of kindness stops someone from killing themselves that day? What if it stops a kid from feeling alone and rejected?

Will kindness and compassion stop homicidal rampages, or rapes, or child killers or molestations? No. As a realist, of course I know it won't. There will always be evil and suffering in the world: nature is balance, and that means there's good AND bad out there. But ineffectual mob attacks, online and in-person bullying, unharnessed lashing-out anger, and selfish indifference to those around you only perpetuates the bad, and that is creating negative change in your surroundings.

Nothing improves a relationship, a community, any group of people faster than kindness and respect. Period.

I challenge you to do a single act of kindness for someone today. I don't care if it's buying the person's coffee behind you in the Starbucks drive through or mowing a neighbor's lawn. I don't care if it's reaching out to a friend to say hello and that you miss them. I don't care if it's cleaning the house so your spouse or parent doesn't have to. Small acts of kindness add up and are easily repeated. If we're going to spread an emotion like a virus the way trolls and media spread nastiness, make it an effort to spread compassion and respect.

Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. All definitions from www.dictionary.com.

com·pas·sion

/kəmˈpæʃən/ Show Spelled [kuhm-pash-uhn]   

noun

1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

em·pa·thy

/ˈɛmpəθi/ Show Spelled [em-puh-thee]   

noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

sym·pa·thy

/ˈsɪmpəθi/ Show Spelled [sim-puh-thee]  

1. harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

2. the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

3. the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

These are not the turtles you're looking for. Move along.

Someone found my blog by searching "gerard butler and the house of unicorns" which I can only assume is some sort of pre-"hitting-it-big" porn.

Hmm. Excuse me while I surf the interwebz.


In other news, motorcycle accidents suck. Insurance companies suck. Lawsuits suck. And for some reason. lawyers seem to think they're entitled to information that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with anything. Like, what color were my socks six years prior to the accident, and do I still HAVE said socks? Why not? What effect did wearing/not wearing the socks on the night of the accident (in which I was not involved) have on said accident? And have I TALKED about the socks since then? To anyone?

Yes. It's that stupid. I'm unimpressed and this whole thing makes my head ache (if I thank the gods for ibuprofen and caffinated soda to help deal the headache caused by idiotic requests, do I need to report THAT to the lawyers?).

Last weekend we saw The Dropkick Murphys in concert. If you don't know who I'm talking about (WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??), here:

You're welcome.

So, they were headlining at a casino "resort" (I use that term extremely loosely considering the attitude of the employees at the casino hotel, the general repair of said hotel, and the drastic uncomfortableness of the beds) in Northern Minnesota for an annual beer festival. Tickets were cheap so we were excited to go, and I swear other than the concert itself I was SO FUCKING ENTERTAINED by the crowd mix. You had your stereotypical casino-goers, your redneck parents who bring their 10-year-olds to the casino (for a beer fest...and punk concert), your hipsters (complete with ridiculous beards, flannel shirts, skinny jeans and attitude), college kids just there to swig as much beer as possible from shot glass sized cups, and your Murphys fans (tattoos, the occasional crazy hair color, kilts, piercings...and us).  

Oh. And the khaki-and-fanny pack-wearing crowd who were CLEARLY there for the prior year's headlining musical act: Trampled by Turtles. Yes. That's what I said. No, I'm not linking a video for you. You're on your own there, people.  

Since Husband still has a cane after his accident, we snagged a chair and hung out at the back of the ballroom (the rest of the crowd did not have chairs, although I'm fairly certain the hipsters didn't participate in the usual mosh pit so it's likely there wasn't much of one). The opening band was hard punk: the Trampled by Turtles fans next to us (also hiding at the back of the rowdy crowd) were horrified and confused, but they stuck it out, waiting for what they seemed to think was an Irish folk band.   They stood with arms crossed and cranky faces for three whole songs before the lot of them left, disgruntled.

Seriously, ALMOST as amusing as the amateur drinkers throwing up in trash cans and drunk dancers accidentally kicking people around them. I fucking LOVE the Murphys.

OH...and congratulations to Rowdy Ronda Rousey for KICKING ASS in her big UFC fight Saturday night. Which, of course, was on PPV the same time as the concert, so I couldn't see both. Dammitall. Now...to get her and Gina Carano in the octagon together.

No this had nothing to do with the rest of today's post, but NOTHING in today's post made any cohesive sense anyway, so I'm not sorry.

Back to Hell, Demon!

I was observed recently as being...inconsistent...between who I appear to be and who I am. It's a fair observation given by one of the slight handful of people in the world who know the real me, and 100% true in the context of the conversation. This post will likely be long and self-indulgent attempt to reconcile a few of the inconsistencies with bare, painful truth. Feel free to stop reading this and go back to a funny post here.

I AM inconsistent: I present a certain face with certain qualities I admire to the world: strength, self-confidence, surety, humor...all the qualities I think are valued by others. All the things I'd like to be all the time. On rare occasions when I'm feeling particularly good I AM the way I present. On those days I'm funny, clever, happy with myself and my accomplishments so far and enthusiastically passionate about life. In all honesty, those days are treasured rarities in my universe that I'm trying to learn to allow more often. I'd prefer they be the norm, after all.
Most of the time I use my public face as a combination of shield and bolster. It's actually fairly exhausting. Emotional energy is a well, and eventually that well runs low, the flow becomes silty and clogged, and I slow down. I am a person who refreshes the well with periods of relaxing alone-time (books, Lifetime TV, walks, repeated viewings of Gladiator...you know, silly mindless things) not by being with others. I'm actually pretty envious of all you folk who get energized and excited about parties and social situations. I NEED that bit of time every week to sustain. 

The real person underneath is...sigh...well hidden. This causes an issue if I let anyone in past a certain point, because ultimately that person discovers I've been untruthful about who I really am all along, and that's probably unfair. How can I be enough and loved just as I am if you can't see what I REALLY am until it's too late? Ah, conundrums that feed the demons.

It's something I've been working on for a long time, actually, when I have enough in my emotional well to work on myself. Sometimes, the well just fucking dries up. I've worked on myself enough to USUALLY be able to head the bastard off at the pass before he weasels his way into my brain like a fucking Khan earworm. Sometimes I fail.

Today I've failed. Since it's the Holidays and that's likely a part of the depression heavily holding me down, I envision it as this:


Holiday cheer my ASS. I'm coming for you...



Last night the same someone said "I wish I could go back and find the bastard(s) who made you feel so worthless and ..." well, the graphically violent nature of the comment probably doesn't need to be repeated. It was one of those things most people would likely be horrified and offended by, but was an utterly sweet thing to say to me.

I know where my self-loathing comes from. I know where the unworthiness comes from. I also know the reason I'm still here after those feelings hit me in wave after wave is something my dad said to me once when I was really young: suicide is the most selfish thing you can do to those who love you. All the bullying, all the nastiness, all the isolation that fed my genetic pre-disposition to depression is tempered by that statement, because I've always been more concerned with others' feelings than my own. It's another point of contention between me and the few insiders who know me best (I don't take care of myself if someone else needs me, which is stupid and harmful). My point is: I'm not in suicidal danger. I'm just not taking sufficient care of myself to avoid the hit right now.

The Bloggess posts often about depression, how it lies and how hard it is to live with repeated bouts. I so utterly agree, but I don't have any answers about how to successfully beat the bastard down either. Knowing WHY he arrives doesn't always give me enough to defeat him. The past few months have been so utterly emotionally exhausting I haven't been able to refill my well, which left me open to that sneaky bastard. And so I force myself to get out of bed and drive to work and hope I can stop any pressing tears (yeah, Scandahoovians don't cry without red, splotchy faces and puffy eyes) and bury myself in work for the day.   Only today is a no-meeting-not-much-to-do day and the conversation I had last night was intense enough that I can't push it aside until I'm home. Today, I'm trying to STOP thinking about all the evil lying shit depression says in my head and concentrate on rediscovering what makes me feel valuable, worthy, fulfilled, passionate and happy.  

My friend Superbetsy sent me this about depression today: The bloggess calls depression a lying bastard. When it tries to take me down, I lie right back to it. I put on a shit ton of makeup and sing loudly and look at pictures of puppies. If it can tell us falsehoods, we can do the same. BECAUSE IM A GREAT SINGER, DAMMIT!

This post isn't any sort of request for validation, compliments, or anything of the sort. I've written about this many times before privately and it's done nothing: maybe taking the risk of putting it out here will make some difference in my heart. If not, at least any reader also battling that bastard will know they're not alone in the fight.

Freedom isn't free.

This is not a funny post, and honestly, it shouldn't be. I posted a bit of this on facebook the other day, but a momentary rant made me really start thinking about what's going on in today's political climate. This will be my only post on politics in this season (unless, of course, I "misspoke" in which case a PR person will shrug and comment somewhere on my blog that I didn't mean what I said. Even though I do, indeed, mean it).

Know what happens when you give away your rights over and over to government entities for "protection"? YOU GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS. Know why we have the first and second amendments? Because when the US was a colony we didn't have the right to protest or stand up for ourselves. That's what the founding fathers intended with the Bill of Rights, with the Constitution, and with the freedoms we TOOK for ourselves in this country.

I resent that the political party originally valuing personal responsibility, financial independence, and small government influence/interference has become a Christian Coalition front-man pushing EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE sorts of controls on US citizens. Guess what? Religion has no place in government, and it BURNS me that the same party that bitched and moaned about a Catholic taking office (Kennedy, hello) is the SAME party pushing for more and more religion-driven-morality laws in the current government. Yes, Republican uber-conservative-religious-fanatics, I'm talking to YOU.

I resent that the political party originally valuing civic duty, taking care of the less fortunate, and ensuring the welfare of many over the wealth of the few has become a fucking nanny party determined to erode common sense and ANY sense of responsibility in favor of taking away my personal rights, particularly the right I have to protect myself with a gun, if necessary. That's right, uber-liberal-do-gooder-busybodies: I'm talking to YOU.

What the hell happened to all the MODERATES? You know, the ones who have common sense and can agree with some basic principles on both sides?

Seriously, what happens when we give up our rights? We lose them, and it takes a goddamn revolution to get them back. I'm not interested in a revolution: in a war people suffer on all sides. I'm interested in the government pulling their heads out of their ASSES and making some sense, because right now the Right is alienating any female citizen who has ever been assaulted, victimized, harassed, or is terrified of someone else forcing her to make health decisions without her consent. The Left is alienating honorable men and women who feel strongly in their right and ability to protect their own lives and loved ones, and who understand that NO GOVERNMENT SHOULD EVER be in a position of absolute power over its citizens. Know why?

Absolute power corrupts. Absolutely. (Thanks, Spiderman!)

See what I mean? Democrats and Republicans are EXACTLY THE SAME. They both want to take all the personal control of our lives, (Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, anyone??) our forefathers and -mothers fought and died to take back from a colonizing empire that held us hostage.

Ever since 9/11 we've been giving away our freedoms and our rights in the name of "safety" and "protecting life."

But freedom isn't safe: it never has been.

You want to give up your rights, fine. I think you're fucking stupid, but it's YOUR choice to do so. However, you don't get to give up mine for me in the name of "keeping me safe" or "for my own good" or because you want to control my body and my choices.

Government busybodies don't belong in my bedroom, in my gun cabinet, in my phone/email/facebook/twitter/etc, in my diary, in my bank accounts, my medical records and decisions, or in my marriage.

I value my freedom. I respect the men and women who, over CENTURIES, have given their lives for that freedom. I would like to see this election result in protecting our hard-won rights and freedoms, not either fanatical agenda.

Sigh. End rant.

Why Kristen Stewart isn't the devil

I made some fantastically stupid mistakes in my teens and twenties. I managed to stay out of jail and brothels, but I still had plenty of asshole moments. For instance: I skipped 90% of my lecture hall classes for the first two years of college. I tried to have a one night stand with a guy my friend introduced me to (fail, but that's another story). I stayed in a relationship where I was never the girlfriend (always just a friend) and rarely given affection or romance. Stupid. There are a LOT of examples...

And when I was 22, I cheated on my boyfriend with the 41 year old Scottish driver I met on my tour of Ireland. That's right. I was 22, he was 41, it was a fun vacation fling, and it resulted in the end of my relationship when I got home. Because I was stupid.

I'm remarkably lucky: not only because I was able to make mistakes and learn from them, but because I didn't have to deal with international idiots during the fallout.

Over a decade later, I can look back and say "dumbass, why didn't you END a broken relationship before you fucked someone else...for their accent...and why fuck someone for an accent anyway?" (DAMN Scottish accents: that's some powerful stuff!) Because I learned from my mistake, and forgive my younger self for being a stupid asshole. I also don't have a zillion Twitterers attacking every aspect of my life under a microscope. I don't have TMZ following me, slavering for photographic evidence of any misstep I make and broadcasting it to the world.

People, even celebrities, are human. Humans fuck up, regularly. A LOT of those fuck ups are relationship and/or sex driven. Human nature is to focus on the most salacious public falls from grace, but the sick fascination we have for barely-out-of-teen mistakes is really pretty disgusting.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of the Twilight crap (again, another post). I'm also not a huge fan of Kristen Stewart's work, although I DO want to see her Snow White. *shrug* I highly doubt she gives a hoot whether I enjoy her acting or not. I also (GASP) don't give a SHIT who she sleeps with, whether that person is married or not, and whether she breaks up with her boyfriend over it. Why? Because I don't know her, I don't know the circumstances of her life or relationships or anything other than what Huffington Post, US Weekly, TMZ, and Twitter have posted. Shockingly, I don't think any of them are all that accurate...and to be fair, I don't care.

But, the level of horrible things I've seen said about this 22 year old is just...gross. I think public skewering for something so fucking stupid, so trivial in the scheme of everyone else's lives, is 100% asshole behavior. There are six people's lives ACTUALLY involved in this stupidity: everyone else needs to focus on stuff that actually matters in life.

Like how to get Kevin McKidd or Gerard Butler to show up at my door...

My knee is no longer jerking.

It took me a few days to think through my reactions to the Aurora, CO shootings and NOT write a knee-jerk-reaction post. I saw much of the following (in a zillion variations) over the weekend on Twitter, Facebook, and various news outlets:

1) "Why were there children at an R-rated movie at midnight anyway?"
2) "This is why we need to ban all guns!"
3) Add security to movie theaters!
4) Politicians using the shootings as a platform to speak for or against guns, for or against religion, etc.
Let's cover all four, shall we?

1) Today there are a bunch of "don't blame the victim!" posts and articles on blogs, CNN, and HuffPo. The thing is, while asking why children were in the theater in the first place is indeed blaming the victim, I can't claim I didn't think the EXACT SAME THING when I first heard a 3 month old was injured and a 6 year old shot. I spent quite a bit of time considering why that was the first thought that popped into my head, because in general I loathe when parents bring toddlers/babies into an adult movie. Not because babies distract me: because it's not good for them. I've asked pediatricians in the past: movie theaters are BAD BAD BAD for babies: it's too loud for their little eardrums can cause hearing damage. It's overly stimulating, and there are a myriad of viruses/germs floating around. I can't help thinking all those things whenver I see babies and toddlers in a midnight R rated showing (and it happens a lot), so it popped in my head right away. However, I immediately killed off that thought, because it has nothing to do with the victims of the shooting. Really. And blaming the parents for their kids getting shot is just mean.

My not-professional-at-all opinion why so many people went there first: it's easier to focus on one small, trivial detail than it is to face the bigger horror. Because what happened is terrifying, it could happen anywhere, and there's no way to stop it, predict it, or prevent against it. Therefore, compartmentalizing the entire tragedy and thinking "maybe the kids wouldn't have been hurt if they hadn't been there" is a knee-jerk reaction. You may not be able to stop the asshole thoughts from popping in your head, but you don't have to share them, either. Have a little self control.

2) Gun control (and the lack thereof) are ridiculous at this stage of the grief process. And make no mistake: the nation is in shock: anger and grieving are part of the national process. However, jumping on the "BAN GUNS" or "GIVE EVERYONE GUNS" bandwagon right now is insensitive and stupid. It does NOTHING for the victims, it doesn't bring justice or stop the shooter today, and it doesn't actually get anything accomplished at this stage. It's fucking RUDE to start politicizing before the victims families are even notified, and all the media "debates" (Piers Morgan, I'm looking at you) about whether gun control would've prevented the shootings is nothing more than using a tragedy to get ratings. Gun control is a sticky issue in this country with many valid reasons on both sides of the fence (and good lordy that's a post of its own, so that's all I'll toss out there for now).
3) This morning MN news announced new "security" measures in local theaters, including no face masks, no fake weapons (as part of costumes), and no "costumes that make patrons uncomfortable.) I find this ineffectual and ridiculous, as well as COMPLETELY open to anyone's interpretation of "uncomfortable." No fake weapons? Sure. What about real ones (MN has conceal and carry laws)?
4) Using the shooting to expound a hate-filled discussion by people angry and helpless to do anything to assist the victims only creates a national feeling of fear and hate. Is a national lynch mob really what we need right now? A Texas representative immediately used the shooting NOT to say he was sorry for the families and victims, but to immediately attack non-Christians by saying "not believing in God allowed this to happen." Really, asshole? I didn't pray enough/he's an atheist/she's a Buddhist so we're to blame for this? Fuck you.  That's just the worst level of slimy politicking possible. 

Knee-jerk reactions don't need to be shared with the world, particularly if they're asshole-blame-the-victim responses. No one expects that level of tragedy. This situation is heartbreaking and terrifying to me because a fanatic cannot be stopped, and this guy is as much a fanatic as the Norway shooter a year ago. Label him insane, psychopathic, evil...whatever label he ends up with after psychoanalysts are done with him, no one could've predicted this guy would go into a crowded theater in full body armor and start killing people. Killers like this are NOT LOGICAL, they have no empathy, they have no feeling of responsibility or respect to their fellow humans. That makes them unpredictable, vicious, and violent. What if the terrifying reality is that there is no way to make sense out of him? What if there IS no way to logically predict or prevent these actions? What if there is no cause, other than the shooter's own nature?

It's easy to try to assign blame: blame the victims for being there, blame the theaters for allowing him in, blame society for allowing guns or removing God or whatever you want. Every instance of blame avoids the real issue: a man for reasons of his own decided to take lives, create chaos, and ruin our sense of security. HE'S to blame for this, and he should be punished as well as permanently removed from society so he can never harm another person again. How about instead of spreading negativity and nastiness, we all try to do something REAL to help, like paying medical bills or taking care of the victims' houses or funeral costs, or blocking the asshole Westboro picketers from the area? That's positive and helpful.

In the meantime, all my thoughts are with the victims and their families, who were in no way at fault for this asshole's rampage and in no way deserved what happened. I hope the survivors are able to heal and move on as best they can.

Sluts and Harlots: The Moms Need Feminist Education

Today, I saw this on The Stir: http://thestir.cafemom.com/teen/137667/uptight_moms_spray_lysol_on
and it makes me both disappointed and sad.

Regardless of my stance on teenagers dirty dancing at a school function, these women's reactions were utterly ridiculous, sexist, and downright misogynistic. What, you didn't think women can hate women?

If your boyfriend/husband/lover looks at, flirts, or even cheats, who do you blame first? The man, or the woman for "tempting" him or "stealing" him? Do we call men homewreckers for breaking up a marriage?  Women often have a much harder time "allowing" their partners to have female friends than vice versa, in my observations, because women don't trust women. And it all stems from stupid shit like this.

Why did these idiots immediately label TEENAGE GIRLS sluts and harlots? First off, pretty sure they were grinding WITH BOYS. But the boys weren't berated and belittled...so hey, let's start the shame bandwagon as early as possible, shall we?

I hope those idiots get the public berating THEY deserve, for bullying and degrading teenage girls when they could've just said "seriously, both of you, no dirty dancing" and gone from there. I'm so disgusted and disappointed.

Sigh.

As a follow up to a previous post, "Honor" requires MARRYING YOUR RAPIST in Afghanistan. And despite international outcry for her treatment, the victim is seriously considering doing so to "save the family name."

I'm not judging her: I'm judging her FAMILY. First, a family member rapes her and SHE'S sentenced to jail. For what exactly? For "sex outside marriage" even though she had no choice in the matter. Now she's being violated again: family is supposed to protect you, not force you to marry someone who assulted you for the good of the family's name. What the hell does their NAME have to do with any of this? She endured a horrific ordeal at the hands of someone who should've been trustworthy, and was failed by her kin and country over and over.

I wish this woman could find the courage to tell them all to fuck off and leave the country: at this point Amnesty International or another refugee service could get her out. Unfortunately as is the case with so many women brought up under oppressive social mores and abusive conditions, she'll likely stay and raise her daughter in the same culture that forces her to marry a man who raped her.

In my head, I know that this is a cultural practice that has gone on in many societies for centuries all over the world.

In my heart, I'm so utterly discouraged and saddened by the calculated subjugation of half the human race simply because "it's always been that way." I'll never understand what the hell is so terrifying to these abusive, ignorant, idiots about respecting the equality of women.

Oh Don't You Worry Your Pretty Little Head, Honey

This morning I feel like I've been sucked into a Twilight Zone alternate universe, and it's a bad, bad version..

The democratic President whom I have supported has taken away a major female right to privacy and medicine. Teenage girls can now overdose on asprin or cold medicine just like normal, but they can't get the morning after pill because it could be dangerous if taken improperly. Huh. So can asprin and cold medicine. Even more horrifying was the President's argument: he has two girls of his own. So...your children (neither of whom are 15-18 years old) and what they understand about medicine as 10 and 12 year olds decided for you whether a young woman can read directions on a medication box? But teenagers of both sexes can still buy condoms and other OTC medications with no problem? Why do you not see the sexist, unfair, ridiculous issue here??

Saudi Arabia BEHEADED A WOMAN FOR WITCHCRAFT yesterday. Sorcery and witchcraft aren't even ON THE BOOKS in Saudi Arabia as crimes. She was beheaded for what exactly? Did she drive? Was she encouraging other women to take care of themselves? Hmm.

Women in Afghanistan face acid attacks for what crime? For saying NO to a marriage proposal! In one recent case the women's entire family was disfigured with acid, including her father who supported her in refusing marriage to a warlord thug. He was beaten and forced to watch as his wife and daughters had acid poured on their faces. Disfigured doesn't even begin to cover the pain, horror, and utter ruination these women faced. Consider that in Afghanistan women are barely allowed to read (depending where they live) or work, and so are generally still dependent on finding a husband to care for them. Now consider that a disfigured woman there is nearly guaranteed to be thought unmarriageable. Not only did her attacker violate her horribly, he essentially ruined her chances at life in that culture.

Amongst all these attacks against the female in the world, our First Lady, theoretically the most powerful woman in the world (if you consider the US to be the most powerful, most free country in the world today)? She's wearing a certain designer's dress (big news!) and helped win the world jumping-jacks record. Michelle Obama had a chance to DO something while she was in office. She chose to be as opposite of Hillary Clinton as possible and embrace a backward "women are only concerned with food, fashion and children" image. I'm so very very disappointed.

Mr. and Mrs. Obama: it's your JOB to not only protect people's rights in this country, not take them away. Also, having two girls of your own should prompt you to set a better example to women and girls everywhere. World "superpowers": I'm ashamed of all of you for stepping back and allowing human rights abuses to happen to women and girls all over the world under the guise of "cultural normalcy" instead of standing up and telling oppressors and abusers to stop.

With shows like Pan Am, Mad Men, and Playboy Club taking over and 12 year old girls wearing "Juicy" across their asses, should I be surprised that feminism is a dirty word and equality is taking a giant leap backward? I suppose not. But should I stop being angry and trying to do something to change it? No way, and neither should any other feminist or humanist out there.

We aren't eye candy. We aren't punching bags. We aren't mindless, animated sex toys. We aren't cooks, maids, or laundresses. We are women: as entitled to respect and equality as men, and more than capable of getting out of the boxes we're shoved into.