An Unexpected Unpleasant Side Quest

So, it's easier to just put this into a blog post than repeat things over and over for peeps who don't know yet. I haven't been around much the past few weeks for writing or anything else (other than horror movies and related distractions) because I'm in the middle of a thing.

It turns out, finding out I have breast cancer is a cognitive pause in brain function, followed by a weird hotdish of panic, practicality, research, and learning how to just not know what the fuck is going on.

Get your mammograms, peeps. This is not how I expected to spend my favorite season.

Facts as of today:

• I have "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma" which is the most common (80% of all breast cancers, according to the Komen website) form. It's very small, very early, and wouldn't have been found without going to a routine mammogram. 
• I've done a couple of tests and have a couple more coming up, but overall the treatment right now is a lumpectomy scheduled for early November, and most likely a round of radiation after. 
• Final determination for treatment will be decided by the pathology results after surgery, so chemo/hormone therapy could still happen, but as of today not likely. 
• I am expected to recover fully - this is non-aggressive (Grade 1) and I've never heard "you're young" so often from anyone since I turned 40, but apparently my age and the size/grade make a HUGE difference. 

This is a shitty path to take, but right now it's just another series of things I have to fit into my schedule. That's not to say it's no big deal: the past couple of weeks have been full of terror, but today is good.

Today I have a plan.
And I'm convinced by my medical team it'll be ok.
And I need a good name for the tumah (it IS a tumah, and if you haven't seen Kindergarten Cop you're probably too young to read any of this post) so I can say I'm kicking its specific cancerous ass.

Fucked Up Things I've Discovered (so far):

1. I am WAY TOO TALL for the stupid half-gown shirt things used at the breast center. Sigh. I am not a midriff-baring-shirt person...wtaf. 
2. Everything after the radiologist says "we see something, you need a biopsy asap, how's next Tuesday" sounds like the Peanuts adults mumbling. 
3. Breast biopsy needles look like an ear piercing gun's meaner older sibling, and sound equally as obnoxious. 
4. Breast biopsy procedures look suspiciously like a Xenomorph's second mouth taking super fast tiny Alien bites on the ultrasound machine. WELL OF COURSE I WATCHED IT...do you know me?
5. Breast MRIs are significantly more undignified than anything I've done outside a gyno office. Yes, I'm certain my indignity has only just begun, but you know...that was a new one for me. You sort of kneel/lie face down on an unholy offspring of a massage table and udder-milking setup, with all upper body weight on the sternum and ribcage between/under the boobs, because they have to hang into boxes for the scans. There is no full breath to be had (just re-reading that sentence made me take a HUGE breath in), and the 1/2-milker-box thing takes up any extra space in the MRI tube.So there is NO room to adjust. Related: I really need to lose some weight. Also related: SURPRISE I'm not claustrophobic.  
6. Turns out I can be in a seriously uncomfortable position without moving for 20 minutes out of sheer stubborn refusal to have to do this bullshit again (if you move during the longest scan, 9 minutes, they reschedule you for another day). 
7. I am capable of meditating while my ribs bruise.
8. Spa music and noise cancelling headphones don't get rid of the MRI noise. 
9. No amount of music can distract from feeling a troupe of fairies frantically dancing on my back during the final scan. Fucking weird. 
10. MRI dye doesn't give you superpowers. I'm sorely disappointed. 

And now, I'm off to snuggle one of my favorite babies AND have dinner and watch horror movies with some of my favorite family.

Today is good. 

The Time Feminism Forces Me to Defend a...Palin

So today my Facebook feed and news outlets have two rivaling headlines. 

First and most importantly, SCOTUS has effectively shut down all those idiots terrified that Mark and Steve's marriage, or Jane and Sally's, will somehow threaten their own heterosexual homes. And to the national endorsement of equality for people who want to marry, I say YAY it's about fucking time. 

Second, and somewhat more disturbing to me, is the news that Bristol Palin is knocked up again outside marriage. It's not that she's pregnant or that she's not married that bothers me: I could not possibly care any LESS about her sex life or the products thereof. It's the really horrifying hypocrisy I'm seeing by "feminists": a sort of disgusting glee in seeing the poster child for abstinence education brought low by her own sexuality. 

REALLY PEOPLE? 

Let's set aside for a moment the pure nasty and gross behavior involved in smugly shaming a public figure for something that some consider a mistake (I say some because hello, not everyone considers pregnancy a mistake in or out of a legally bound relationship). 

Let me also be clear that I find Sarah Palin utterly disgusting for her politics, and I think abstinence education one of the worst disservices conservative politicians have forced upon teens.  Those are both entirely different posts. 

I pretty firmly believe if you call yourself feminist you don't get to judge another woman's sexuality, PERIOD. 

That means no slut shaming. EVER. 

That means no side-eye about women who have multiple partners, women who have children on their own, women who are completely asexual, women who are in a traditional marriage, women who buy toys, women who take birth control, women who ARE IN CHARGE OF THEIR OWN SEX ORGANS.

No subtle or overt blaming the victim of a sexual crime (she was drunk/smoking pot/on X/dressed like a whore) because deep down you're relieved that it didn't happen to you. 

No moral high-horse "we must SAVE them" attitude about anyone who voluntarily uses their body for money: that includes any sort of modeling, escorts, prostitution, dancing of any kind, porn, etc. (obviously, this point is barring underage or forced/trafficking crimes: I said voluntarily on purpose).  

And no snarky smug "she got what she deserved" judging of an adult woman in her mid-20's who gets pregnant outside marriage. Ugh. 

First, by all accounts I've been able to find, Bristol Palin was paid to do abstinence speaking from the perspective of having been a teen-mom. I don't agree with the abstinence only message in any way, but I can certainly see how that message might be something a 17 year old who'd gotten pregnant by mistake would be willing to speak about. I may not like her choice in message, but I appreciate her willingness to WORK in some way, and I don't judge her choice in which to do so. 

Second, this is not a teenager. Yes, she publicly took an "abstinence pledge" in 2009 and really, it's none of my business whether she stuck to it or not before this. Honestly, I don't care: her bedroom is her business, and she's certainly not the first conservative politician/minister/"moral" public figure to be "caught" living a different life in private than she does publicly. But hey, I know I haven't grown with experience since I was a teen: have you? In fact, I think if you polled a handful of people on the street most would assume a 24 year old woman is sexually active in this day and age: it's not that fucking weird that birth control failed and she got pregnant again. It's pretty likely that because of the pledge she took her abstinence only speaking engagements are over, so isn't that sort of a self-fulfilling unemployment arena? 

I guess I just don't really see any benefit (to me or anyone else) in jumping on a bandwagon of "neener neener you aren't perfect" nastiness just because I don't agree with her politics.  

Third, for those conservatives who insist that a woman's sex organs MUST be owned by a man through marriage contract before creating life, SHE WAS FUCKING ENGAGED, for Gods' sake. Other than the really uber-conservative sects, does anyone really expect an engaged couple to be abstinent? 

As an aside, boy you babies-in-marriage-only types really are going to have issues if male ownership of uterii is the only proper way to have a family, because I'm pretty sure SCOTUS just tossed that shit right out the window...now that it's finally legal for two uterii or two penii to be married without the opposite sex involved at all. And that's just awesome. 

What's horrifying about being caught here is the same people who rail against conservative/abstinence education are the ones crowing about the public shaming of a woman's sex life and her "fall from grace." Um, sorry, but sex and pregnancy don't equal a fall from grace: they pretty much just equal an addition to her family and most likely a career change in her case. So what? At what point do we as a society stop judging mothers by the circumstances of their pregnancy like we have any right to moralize their bodies and choices? 

For the record, I'm thoroughly grossed out that I'm in a position to defend a Palin, but I don't live her life, and I refuse to judge any woman's sexual choices. I suppose as a thought experiment it's good to test the boundaries of my insistence on non-judgement, but ultimately this whole news blitz and social media ishiness just put a bad taste in my mouth. 

On a Friday. 

I'm not impressed. 

I Am Not a Dude, Yahoo. Stop Offering Me Women.

My yahoo email address isn't particularly masculine, so I'm mildly amused and somewhat disturbed that I received the following emails in my Spam folder this morning:

Sexy Brides! Hot Russian and Ukrainian Brides Looking For Love
Because a husband isn't enough: I NEED the drama of another wife in the house. Sister wife I am not, but thanks for trying. Sigh. I did wonder for a moment if I shouldn't turn this over to some organization that handles trafficking.

Canadian Pharmacy
To go with the new sexy Ukrainian bride I can pay X dollars to ship here (again, trafficking orgs need to get on this shit), I can get discounted Viagra and Cialis. Because clearly my erectile dysfunction is stopping me from enjoying my new mail order woman.

Hey YOU!
I love these: the same "person" in the from field about once a week who insists we know each other from way back on Yahoo IM and don't I want to look at her dirty pictures at this link? Um, no, Adriana, I do not.

Hmm.

You know, I started this post being amused at Spam's consistent assumption that I want hot, lonely housewives or a safe way to cheat on my wife, or a way to find a new one (when my cheated-on wife leaves me for someone who doesn't open spam emails) AND the drugs to get me going again.

Sigh. Now that I look over this post and realize just how much of my email is cheating/porn/otherwise objectifying women AND belittling men, it makes me sad. Can't we be better than this?

Therefore, I'm adding these links to my blog today:

The Polaris Project A World Without Slavery
LiveYourDream.Org Women helping women achieve dreams
WebMD Marriage Advice Because there are WAY too many relationship counselors out there.

Updated: Feminism: No, Really

fem·i·nism/ˈfɛm əˌnɪz əm/  [fem-uh-niz-uh m]
noun
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. ( sometimes initial capital letter ) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.

Recently my friend Superbetsy blogged, in a wonderfully snarky way, about cosplay at various geeky conventions. A commenter took issue with the subject as "unfeminist" and irrationally attacked the post based on...well, stupid. Phenomenally, remarkably, blindly stupid. She went on and on about how basic female grooming (plucking eyebrows, shaving legs, wearing makeup, etc) only fed the patriarchal inequality in this country.

Fucking REALLY? You judgemental, inexperienced, self-righteous IDIOT.

Instead of standing together, "feminists" of this ilk attack any woman who enjoys being female...never mind that same female may make significantly more money than her spouse, volunteer at a shelter, and help other women build themselves up. "Feminists" like the commenter put the same "ist" into feminism that goes with "race," "sex," "age," or any other reason to exclude a group with bigotry.

All over the world, women are subjected to various sorts of domestic violence. Women are sold as sex slaves. Women are prevented from receiving education, medical care, dignity, and in many cases life.

• In India, a woman was gang raped to the extent her attackers RIPPED OUT PIECES OF HER INTESTINE. Yeah. That didn't make US news outlets, but that's why she's still in critical condition. She was on a supposedly safe bus. With her boyfriend.
• In Afghanistan, a pre-teen was shot by the Taliban for the horrific crime of her "dishonorable" desire to GET AN EDUCATION.
• In the United States:
• a college student daring to speak up for the right to control her own reproductive system is called a slut publicly by media and politicians in an attempt to shame her into silence.
• The same politicians try to say rape isn't real if a woman gets pregnant, that pregnancy can't happen if it was REALLY rape.
• A girlfriend and mother is killed by her cheating boyfriend for the uppity crime of saying he can't fuck other women and be with her. He then killed himself, and there are SHRINES of mourning for HIM. Because he was an NFL player...and a selfish murderer who deprived his daughter of her mother over a goddamn argument.

Yeah. Let's talk about what feminism really is, shall we?

Feminism isn't about whether or not wearing makeup, plucking your eyebrows, wearing high heels, trying to attract a member of the same or opposite sex makes you more or less a woman. It's about equality, and enjoying that I'm a woman doesn't change my belief that the sexes should be treated equally and women shouldn't have to face degradation, torture, and violence just for having a vagina. Feminism means if a woman chooses to fill a traditional role she has the right to do so, just as if a woman chooses to get an advanced education and become an entrepreneur she has the right to do that too.

I'm not concerned whether my looks, my choice in footwear, clothes or grooming feed a patriarchal society. I'm concerned about important things that will CHANGE society, like making safety, dignity, respect, equality, education, and opportunity available for women AND men.

Is it idealistic? Of course it is: that's a long road all over the world. But it instantly pisses me off to hear self-righteous bitches judge other women for their choices while there are so many out there that don't HAVE those choices.  Because the "ist" in feminist can all to easily forget that if equality is what we're after, men are equal to us, too.

Updated: in Italy, the Church says it's YOUR fault for your husband beating you. If you cooked/cleaned/wore differnt clothes and were totally dependent on your husband, he wouldn't beat you. Between this article and the Pope's recent assertions that people who "choose" to be gay are denying their humanity (thereby implying GLBT people are less human), I wonder if the Vatican isn't purposefully trying to alienate people. Italians, by the way, are livid over this "if you acted better he wouldn't beat you" crap.

Why I Bellydance (This is not a funny post. You probably don't want to read it).

So I'm six feet tall. This has relevance, promise. By the time I was in fourth grade I was taller than everyone else AND I was getting boobs, because nature decided I needed multiple targets for the bullies in school. Since I was about eight I've been a pretty consistent failure at being a feminine female. I've lost count of how many times I've been called "sir," regardless of makeup or the fact that I have a DD chest.

Model material, you may say...after all, aren't a lot of supermodels tall and boobaliscious? Not this girl: my body wasn't my friend. It still isn't. I've been overweight since I was young and really overweight since college. A lot of that is the same (boring!) body-hatred-punishment bullshit that I KNOW is happening but have a hard time getting over. It doesn't need to be analyzed here, because really, how fucking typical do I want to be?

I don't expect to be Marilyn Monroe or Lana Turner, sexpot extraordinaire. I don't expect to be Kate Moss either (good lord, I like food people, not drugs). Hell, I idolized Hepburn (Katherine, duh) and wanted to be Ripley. But I'd really like to love my body and work with it instead of feeling like I'm locked in constant battle with my mortal enemy. Seriously, your mortal enemy in this mortal life really shouldn't be the FUCKING BODY you pilot.

Ah well, I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all? I focus on it for a while and get lazy or distracted and decide "fuck you world, I don't care if you think I'm pretty/thin/womanly or not," but that's not the answer: ultimately it's the love/loathing dichotomy that needs to change.

Luckily, I've found one (legal-to-view-in-public) physical thing can do something pretty damn cool that a lot of women can't or don't. I can bellydance.

I found Middle Eastern dance a decade ago when I couldn't take my eyes off of Aliyah Sahar at the MN Renaissance Festival. Inspired and terrified, I LONGED to be able to move my body in that graceful, sensual way. I longed for the joy of movement and the utter joy of being female that bellydancers have.

And I found it. Over a remarkabe ten years, not only did I get to learn from Aliyah but managed (bafflingly) to become her friend, and both occurrences have been constant bright facets of my life ever since. (I'm not saying that to get free classes, FYI.)

Bellydance celebrates the female body in the best possible way, and even though it's incorrectly thought of as akin to stripping, bellydance is all about harnessing female energy and powerful beauty, regardless of a woman's size, age, race, or class. I adore the female friends I've made in the community and the support I've received even though I'm not a size 2. I adore the acceptance and encouragement and even the sparkly/jingly/makeup/girly aspects. I adore that no matter how hard class is, no matter how awkward I feel or gangly I am, for at least moment every time I dance I feel like a beautiful woman.

After a decade of awkward classes, stilted performances, frustration, joy, solos, and teaching I feel like I can say: I'm a bellydancer.

I am Immodest and Uppity.

It took me a few days to blog about this because the whole situation just utterly pissed me off. Bear with me.

Recently some jackass on Facebook posted a meme that said (paraphrased, because I refuse to spread that meme around): "Dear Girls, If you don't want the attention of pigs, don't dress immodestly. - Real Men."

None of my friends resposted it, but in one of those convoluted "friend of a friend" things FB likes to pull, I saw a pretty vehement comment my friend Heather left on someone's wall and was curious. Yes, it's stupid and falls under "meaningless facebook bullshit" that I should've left alone: I don't know this guy (although he's apparently part of the Renaissance Festival community up here, so we've likely crossed paths before) and I can't fight every dumbass who posts sexist shit, right? Well I'm not always smart enough to stay out of trouble. I agreed with Heather's comments and pointed out a few things of my own, and he told me to DROP IT. So it's ok to post something demeaning and sexist on a public form but it's not ok to opine about it. Alrighty then.

Call me an immodest, uppity woman but I'm going to talk about it anyway, jerk.

1) "Dear Girls." Does the creator of this crap want a woman, or a girl? Addressing it to girls instead of women implies that "real men" don't want a "real woman" who can stand up for herself, take care of herself, and deserves the respect of an equal. Instead, it is a condescending power-grab by someone who needs to immediately put women in their place as "mere" girls who need guidance. Am I reading too much? Maybe, but it strikes a chord with me anyway.

2) The behavior of pigs. Calling a man who treats a woman like a piece of meat, like she's his property, like she's only a sex object infantalizes men AND demeans women. Men are responsible for their OWN feelings and actions, and should be called out on shitty behavior instead of dismissing it as "men are pigs." Grow the hell up and act like a person, not a rutting animal.

3) Immodest. Oh good gods, the reaction this one gives me is just boiling over. First of all, what gives this jackass the right to decide what exactly is "Immodest" dress OR behavior? Does he control the way women express their sexuality, their beauty, or their feelings? No, and he has NO RIGHT TO. What one woman considers modest another may consider risque, and vice versa. What one woman considers sexy another may consider frumpy. But this goes SO far beyond clothing.

Modesty/Immodesty is a control used to shame women into allowing their sexuality to be ruled over by male-dominated society. Too radical feminist for you? Well, that's the way it is...if you need examples: Victorian table skirts were invented to keep men from being "inflamed" by legs that would remind them of a woman's legs. The SlutWalk movement started whn cops told female college students not to dress slutty in order to not get raped, as though clothes would stop a rapist. The hair wraps/veils/etc insisted upon by various Abrahamic religions SO MEN WON'T BE TEMPTED by a woman's beauty.

Let's not even get into the recent "war on women" examples in American politics. Really...that's a post of its own.

Modesty/Immodesty is a way to blame women for the shitty behavior of some men: a rapist wouldn't have gotten you if you hadn't worn a skirt (or jeans that outline your shape, or a tank top, or a mumu for crying out loud). You wouldn't get whistled at on the street if you weren't hot. Men wouldn't grab your ass/boobs/etc if you didn't have them out in public displayed in that t-shirt/tank top/bikini.

As advanced as America is on the rights of her citizens, we still have quite a ways to go before we get to social equality. Woman are different than men: I don't dispute that. We're often raised with different mores, often deal with things differently, and often are both stuck in "approved" roles. I support women who choose to fill a traditional role because that's what they're called to do. I also support women who choose to be CEOs, astronauts, scientists, even sex workers as long as that's what they WANT to do.

What I don't accept is a culture that allows "boys will boys" behavior while shaming women using sex. I don't accept that men can't control themselves in the presence of a woman. I don't accept that a REAL MAN will treat a woman like meat because of what she's wearing or how she acts, because REAL MEN treat women like respected equals regardless of their dress/wealth/class/station in life.

THAT'S a real man. I know they're out there. I married one.

Encounters of the Weird Kind...

Random weird shit from Girls' Weekend 2012:

 

•  I may have been mistaken for a prostitute, but I'm not sure.
• Dinner at Dick's Last Resort in the Mall of America, where the servers are snarky and rude...and yet pretty damn hilarious.
• "I ate soup" was sent by one of the men in response to a "you should sext me" prompt.
• Filthy sexts received during dinner by one of the girls were shared with the group. Envy and giggles commenced.
• A possible zombie followed the group out of Starbucks on Nicollet Mall.* 
• Discovered a neat store on 9th and Nicollet, with random curiosities and a sleepy dog.
• Unfortunately, outside said neat store was a HORRIBLE trumpet player who repeated the same four or five notes with no semblance of melody. Even the kids walking by plugged their ears. I suspect this is what caused the dog's obvious depression.
• GODIVA HAS REWARDS and we all signed up. Now I get a free truffle once a month and some sort of incentive to buy more chocolate...as though any incentive is needed. Ha.
• The importance of having a clean hole was a theme. Said in reference to someone's teeth, which really only makes this statement sillier.
• "I have a boat but it has flat tires." Yeah, it was said in conversation, but I'm still baffled.
• "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to molest you now." Said to the pregnant girl as her belly is felt up AGAIN.
• A pushing match ensues between the two molesters attempting to feel the baby kick. The baby was apparently sleeping or terrified, because he didn't even wiggle, much less show alien-hand-movement in her belly.
• We as a group are no fun, according to the smarmy man in the Homewood Suites lobby who tried to charm us into either taking him with us to a bar somewhere or, possibly, some other sort of party. His British accent was fake and he carried four bottles of water for his group, so I'm not really sure what the hell he thought he'd get out of the five of us.
• Spent too much at Baby Gap for my impending nephew. The sales girl tried to get me to get a credit card...even though I have no spawn and told her so. Snort.

There was much laughter and wine for all (except the pregnant one, who was allowed laughing but not wine). GW was a success yet again, and the people who couldn't make it this year were missed.

*"Zombie" was actually a man who appeared to be carrying something in his shirt and was rather confused and wandering...unsteadily. He looked like he'd been in a fight: he followed us out to the street where there are many cops and Mpls community outreach people, so even though I felt guilty for not helping, I know he was picked up and helped by professionals. He was altered, and I'm not sure what he was carrying around under his shirt so was uncomfortable stopping. I must still feel guilty if I need to justify my non-action. Sigh.

Sluts and Harlots: The Moms Need Feminist Education

Today, I saw this on The Stir: http://thestir.cafemom.com/teen/137667/uptight_moms_spray_lysol_on
and it makes me both disappointed and sad.

Regardless of my stance on teenagers dirty dancing at a school function, these women's reactions were utterly ridiculous, sexist, and downright misogynistic. What, you didn't think women can hate women?

If your boyfriend/husband/lover looks at, flirts, or even cheats, who do you blame first? The man, or the woman for "tempting" him or "stealing" him? Do we call men homewreckers for breaking up a marriage?  Women often have a much harder time "allowing" their partners to have female friends than vice versa, in my observations, because women don't trust women. And it all stems from stupid shit like this.

Why did these idiots immediately label TEENAGE GIRLS sluts and harlots? First off, pretty sure they were grinding WITH BOYS. But the boys weren't berated and belittled...so hey, let's start the shame bandwagon as early as possible, shall we?

I hope those idiots get the public berating THEY deserve, for bullying and degrading teenage girls when they could've just said "seriously, both of you, no dirty dancing" and gone from there. I'm so disgusted and disappointed.

They're not Resolutions. They're goals with loose morals.

Sometimes the ability for one person to do anything that will make a difference to someone 10,000 miles away is so overwhelmingly insurmountable that said person has to just hope. I know my last few posts were pretty irritated: I'm easily fired up by a few topics, and violence against women is one of my top three. Unfortunately, there truly isn't a damn thing I can do for the women in Afghanistan other than read the news, share, and support the troops. Since I find this frustrating, demoralizing, and depressing I'm working on getting better at creating some sort of boundary between my need to fix everything and the reality that I simply can't in many cases. I can, however, volunteer locally, and I plan to do so in 2012.

I didn't do "resolutions" per se this year, mostly because I'm out of practice. I used to set goals on 1/1 every year in a variety of areas: budget-wise, spiritually, physically, and creatively. I still sort of feel like I'm coming out of a two year fog after my time at my last job: it was so utterly soul-suckingly-exhausting, the idea that I can PLAN instead of living my life airport to airport still seems unreal.

But I DO have some pretty serious goals for 2012, just in case it IS the end. Haha. First, while I'm unemployed (and diligently looking, MN Unemployment), I'm finishing my book. The great and horrible thing about writing every day is that my sleepy creative mind is now WIDE AWAKE. Which means I have a list of other ideas swirling around in there that sometimes get in the way of finishing the novel I'm working on. Dammit!! It's awesome that I have another character forming AND a series of 2 or 4 in the works in my head, but this is ridiculous. I wish I had a professional writer to talk to so I could find out if this is something everyone deals with and how on earth they can focus on one when another insistent entity is knocking on the brainpan.

In the meantime I have to just work on getting it all out.

Sigh.

As a follow up to a previous post, "Honor" requires MARRYING YOUR RAPIST in Afghanistan. And despite international outcry for her treatment, the victim is seriously considering doing so to "save the family name."

I'm not judging her: I'm judging her FAMILY. First, a family member rapes her and SHE'S sentenced to jail. For what exactly? For "sex outside marriage" even though she had no choice in the matter. Now she's being violated again: family is supposed to protect you, not force you to marry someone who assulted you for the good of the family's name. What the hell does their NAME have to do with any of this? She endured a horrific ordeal at the hands of someone who should've been trustworthy, and was failed by her kin and country over and over.

I wish this woman could find the courage to tell them all to fuck off and leave the country: at this point Amnesty International or another refugee service could get her out. Unfortunately as is the case with so many women brought up under oppressive social mores and abusive conditions, she'll likely stay and raise her daughter in the same culture that forces her to marry a man who raped her.

In my head, I know that this is a cultural practice that has gone on in many societies for centuries all over the world.

In my heart, I'm so utterly discouraged and saddened by the calculated subjugation of half the human race simply because "it's always been that way." I'll never understand what the hell is so terrifying to these abusive, ignorant, idiots about respecting the equality of women.

Oh Don't You Worry Your Pretty Little Head, Honey

This morning I feel like I've been sucked into a Twilight Zone alternate universe, and it's a bad, bad version..

The democratic President whom I have supported has taken away a major female right to privacy and medicine. Teenage girls can now overdose on asprin or cold medicine just like normal, but they can't get the morning after pill because it could be dangerous if taken improperly. Huh. So can asprin and cold medicine. Even more horrifying was the President's argument: he has two girls of his own. So...your children (neither of whom are 15-18 years old) and what they understand about medicine as 10 and 12 year olds decided for you whether a young woman can read directions on a medication box? But teenagers of both sexes can still buy condoms and other OTC medications with no problem? Why do you not see the sexist, unfair, ridiculous issue here??

Saudi Arabia BEHEADED A WOMAN FOR WITCHCRAFT yesterday. Sorcery and witchcraft aren't even ON THE BOOKS in Saudi Arabia as crimes. She was beheaded for what exactly? Did she drive? Was she encouraging other women to take care of themselves? Hmm.

Women in Afghanistan face acid attacks for what crime? For saying NO to a marriage proposal! In one recent case the women's entire family was disfigured with acid, including her father who supported her in refusing marriage to a warlord thug. He was beaten and forced to watch as his wife and daughters had acid poured on their faces. Disfigured doesn't even begin to cover the pain, horror, and utter ruination these women faced. Consider that in Afghanistan women are barely allowed to read (depending where they live) or work, and so are generally still dependent on finding a husband to care for them. Now consider that a disfigured woman there is nearly guaranteed to be thought unmarriageable. Not only did her attacker violate her horribly, he essentially ruined her chances at life in that culture.

Amongst all these attacks against the female in the world, our First Lady, theoretically the most powerful woman in the world (if you consider the US to be the most powerful, most free country in the world today)? She's wearing a certain designer's dress (big news!) and helped win the world jumping-jacks record. Michelle Obama had a chance to DO something while she was in office. She chose to be as opposite of Hillary Clinton as possible and embrace a backward "women are only concerned with food, fashion and children" image. I'm so very very disappointed.

Mr. and Mrs. Obama: it's your JOB to not only protect people's rights in this country, not take them away. Also, having two girls of your own should prompt you to set a better example to women and girls everywhere. World "superpowers": I'm ashamed of all of you for stepping back and allowing human rights abuses to happen to women and girls all over the world under the guise of "cultural normalcy" instead of standing up and telling oppressors and abusers to stop.

With shows like Pan Am, Mad Men, and Playboy Club taking over and 12 year old girls wearing "Juicy" across their asses, should I be surprised that feminism is a dirty word and equality is taking a giant leap backward? I suppose not. But should I stop being angry and trying to do something to change it? No way, and neither should any other feminist or humanist out there.

We aren't eye candy. We aren't punching bags. We aren't mindless, animated sex toys. We aren't cooks, maids, or laundresses. We are women: as entitled to respect and equality as men, and more than capable of getting out of the boxes we're shoved into.

Rights are RIGHTS.

BBC News Feature: Saudi Women

This article was buried in the Mid-East section of BBC.com today. It was hiding behind the various articles about rape as a weapon of war against women in Libya, sexual harassment and abuse against women in Egypt, etc etc etc.

It horrifies me that "etc" is applicable here.

Saudi Arabian women have been hidden away from the world for centuries, and blaming it on Islam is just stupid. Muhammed's wife owned her own business: there is NOTHING in Islam that says women are the slaves of men, and yet that's how they're treated, under the guise of "protection." Protection from what? Themselves, mostly, because the bottom line reasoning is that women can't be trusted, can't control themselves, and are vessels of temptation. Some countries came out of the backward thinking of the Middle Ages where Woman = Sin. Some clearly never grew up.

Women's rights abuses are a tribal community issue, not a religious one: the ancient tribes in the Middle East, Afghanistan, and Africa are traditionally male-dominated and patrilineal. Hiding women away under burkas/abayas/scarves isn't mandated by the Koran, and female circumcision isn't a religious requirement; these are tribal social controls adopted into the local version of a larger religion. Decent men are being told by the people in charge that keeping women in the home, under the thumb of their husbands/fathers/brothers is really "for their own good" and that the honor of a family depends on a woman being virginal and quiet. Why? Because women can't  control ourselves and our bodies? Or because men can't be expected to control themselves when - GASP - a female is around? The implication that men are really just animals is just as offensive as the idea that women are there to serve and be protected.

One of the most disturbing quotes in the BBC article was a man who, uncomfortable, told the journalist "we give them their rights." I beg to differ, sir. You don't GIVE anyone their rights: by definition, RIGHTS are something they have anyway. Instead Saudi Arabia has, indeed, created the "largest women's prison" on this planet, and we as human beings in the entire world should be ashamed, outraged, and disgusted.

It's all a load of crap that excuses human rights abuses that should shock the world, but instead headlines of a Libyan woman being dragged away from journalists for reporting her rape get no response. Even a pretty white girl's assult in Egypt, which actually got some attention, is universally brushed off as "well she shouldn't have been there." An 11 year old in Texas is gang raped and the defense attorney says she asked for it. An 11 year old. All women have the right to be human. To control our own bodies, our own minds, our own lives.

The fear, shame, and discomfort that seems to stop the world from stepping in and saying enough needs to be purged, because the moment we blame an 11 year old girl for being raped and accept that in some parts of the world a woman is literally just a piece of silent property for a man to do anything he likes, we've lost our humanity.