Monday, November 19, 2012

CLIMB INTO THE HANDBASKET...and hang the hell on.

 
If you're wondering, I'm TOTALLY using that title for my as-yet-ill-conceived memoir. That's right: "climb into the handbasket" was one of the many fucked-up ways people found this blog. Here are a few others:
  • "i'm in love with my same sex therapist" - I'm fairly certain I've never blogged about this. Should I ever I'll be sure to tag it something obnoxious.
  • "mini donut bus" - snicker
  • "pithy porno for men" - I suppose this is because I SPECIFICALLY add tags that indicate this is NOT porn and these aren't the looked-for penises, and that amuses the fuck out of me.
  • "ripping each other's faces off" - well, that's violent. And gross.
  • "shit my pants as an adult" - yeah...I just have nothing for this one at all.

In other news, so far today I've managed the following nonsense:
  • offered to buy a former co-worker and his new bride porn. Doesn't everyone want a subscription to Penthouse as a wedding gift??
  • was called an Orca* which did fabulous things to my brain, considering I've gained four pounds back after our annual Girls Weekend Group cookie exchange (HOMEMADE FUDGE, WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU?)
  • been recruited by the travel-hell job that laid me off last November by a former co-worker (not the one I offered to get porn: that would be inappropriate!) who has been rehired and seems to really want that employee referral bonus. I find the prospect...unlikely.
  • spent far too much time on Twitter and Amazon after discovering many of my followers/followed twitter peeps offer freebies. Indeed, the Kindle app on my iphone is STEAMING with the stuff I've downloaded...and I now know some wonderfully sick writers to add to the Dirty Book Club.
*to clarify, a discussion in regards to swimming in the ocean led to that, which to be fair WAS intended as a compliment. One of the many nicknames for an Orca is "sea wolf" and the person in question SAYS it was meant thusly. I, however, pointed out next time such a text should be read out loud to a female before sending it to a girl, and that another nickname for Orcas is "KILLER DEMON."

To be fair, Killer Demon may be more applicable than either a whale OR a sea wolf.

I'm cool with that.

PS: spellcheck refuses to acknowledge "orca" as a word. Fail, spellcheck. Fail.

5 comments:

  1. Please add me to the list of people that you refer dirty smut books too. I think that was the point you were making. If not, please add me to the list of people you refer dirty smut books to. Ha - I may have a smut addiction.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Done and done...I should probably make a comprehensive list anyway. What else is winter for, but reading smut?

      Delete
  2. Not sure why triggered it, but "mini donut bus" made me spit out my ice water. You crack me up, lady.

    And you are not an orca... how dare they. Pour exlax in their coffee (if have access to beverages). How rude. Funny post :) I like climb into the handbasket

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ha, I have something for the "shit my pants as an adult" part ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Forget fudge. I am currently mainlining peppermint covered pretzels.

    ReplyDelete

Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.