Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My loved ones are assholes. Well, some of them, anyway.

So my meetings today were over early and I had a horrid headache, so I went home to work from the couch. Because my company is FUCKING COOL like that.

I took a bunch of ibuprofin and thought a hot shower would help kill off the tiny evil gnome attempting to burrow way out of my temple.

OF COURSE my husband decided to take the afternoon off (without telling me...sneaky bastard) to do applications and get ready for fest.

OF COURSE he got home while I'm in the shower.

OF COURSE he had to open the goddamn bathroom door and yell "What are you doing home??"

Fucker. I almost broke my neck and screamed bloody murder.

Being naked and terrified in my shower HAD to be shared, so of course I told the email group about it later...but they're on his side.


Z: Oh man, I wish I had a wife so that I could do that to them :p

C: oh yeah, hands down attempted spousal murder is the best part of marriage.
Indeed.

Payback, dear husband, will be a bitch...as soon as I can figure out something appropriately evil.

8 comments:

  1. Mrs. Broken4:37 PM

    Oh MY! Sounds familiar. The husbands certainly share the desire to show up and freak us out while showering. My condolences.

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  2. Damn husbands, mine likes to do that too but he sneaks into the shower, quietly sticks his head around the curtain and, of course, my eyes are closed cuz I'm showering and when I open them their is his ugly mug and I SCREAM bloody murder and he laughs and laughs.......fucker!!

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  3. In my defense (and I realize I did not use the sarcasm star) I was being a smartass in Z's general direction.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Here's an idea: It's very, very childish, but me and the boy (he's a man, but I like to call him this) have been known to load up a pitcher of ice water, remove said ice, and through the freezing cold water over the side of the closed shower curtain onto the shower-er. Works every time--give your hubby a nice shower shock.

    If I live the see 90 and can still lift a pitcher of water over my head, I will do this to whomever I share a retirement condo with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I thought I could get away with that without him slipping in the shower and breaking something...I'd totally do it. :D

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  5. Ice cubes in his underwear? oooooh how about leaving positive a pregnancy stick on his dresser.

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    Replies
    1. Heehee...those are both excellent ideas.

      Mwahahahaha...

      Delete

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