Friday, January 25, 2013

Gerard Butler and Unicorns (or why I haven't blogged in January much)

January I've been unemployed, and as such I've been watching WAY too much TV, reading pagan-y books, and sleeping off some ongoing depression issues. Not really a valid excuse, but there you go. However, this week stuff happened that was blog-worthy, and so here I am.

I've discovered I'm allergic to martial arts. Or vigorous exercise (sorry husband). Or possibly dojos.

Monday I took my first kickboxing class in oh, seven years or so. I suspect it's called kickboxing because my ass was thoroughly kicked. Out of 60 minutes I believe I did about 35 minutes of motion, and of that only the first 15 were decent form (as proven by the scrapes on the WRONG SET OF KNUCKLES on my hands, because the more noodly my arms became the more I ended up punching the bag like a drunk 3 year old with depth perception issues).

In addition to looking like a fool, my pasty Scandahoovian heritage causes me to turn tomato red when I work out, and being overweight and out of shape means I easily overwork to the point of either feeling faint or puking. I accomplished all of the above on Monday. And about 40 minutes in I started sneezing and couldn't fucking stop.

To whoever got my heavybag when I was done...sorry dude. I swear I didn't snot on anything. I sneezed until Thursday. It was FABULOUS and I signed up for a 30 day trial program.

In other news, I received one of the COOLEST presents EVER from my friend Cait.
See Celtic Knotwork Locket

That's when I'm having a crankypants (or as my friend calls it: Senora del Pantalones Irritado) day I can look down at a suave, tuxedoed Scotsman hanging around my neck.

Wait...something about that just sounds terribly inappropriate.



  1. Okay, so just because picking out the pictures for the inside probably took longer than picking out the locket itself (I mean look at it. Obviously Jess needed to own that, duh.) I feel the need to clarify just a bit.

    You can look down at the suave, but still slightly scruffy, tuxedoed Scotsman giving you a comehither stare who looks like he's pretty ready to be done with the tuxedo for the night if you know what I mean.

    I'm not sure if you know this but there are a lot of pictures of Gerard Butler out there and I spent a fair deal of time (it was absolute torture) finding just the right one. :P

    1. What a terrible way to spend your time...if I get tired of unicorns (as if!) and decide to put The McKidd on the other side, I'll be sure to ask you to spend hours and hours searching for good pics of him.


    2. I gotta say... I don't know you, but that fact that you so boldly put pictures of Gerald Butler and a Unicorn in her locket is great. I love confident wackiness. You sound fun :)

  2. Must have been a very hard day, browsing through a bunch of Gerald Butler photos to find one that was just the right amount of sexy. And yes that is totally a Gerald Butler who is ready to call it a night and go back to the room.

  3. delightful!

    People constantly try to rescue me from the hike and bike trail because of my alarming Scots-Irish tomato face. If it's Gerard, I let 'em, otherwise it's "back the eff off!"

  4. HAHAHA!!!!! What an awesome friend!

  5. Your blog always makes me smile. Sorry to hear you are unemployed. I am, too, at the moment... the first week it was great, now I'm over it. I hope you find a new (better) job.
    Good luck with kickboxing-- I have always wanted to take that, but fear I will also suck at it. And I like to be the one punching, not being punched at. Go kick the shit out of something.

    I must say, your friend Cait sounds awesome. I really respect people who make bold, silly gestures so confidently, and choosing to give you a locket with the craziness of Gerald Butler and a Unicorn -- unless this was agreed upon-- is fantastic. Rock on, Cait.

    1. Cait is indeed pretty awesome. Zack (who also comment above) gave me a most-fabulous-Witchking helm ring, but I haven't taken a pic yet so I can't appropriately brag about his presents yet.

      Kickboxing (it's against a heavybag, not people...yet, anyway) is AWESOME...very therapeutic. Ha! I'm not really contract ended 12/31 and I got hired on full time (starting Monday), but I had a most excellent month off in between. All caught up on Kevin McKidd episodes of Grey's Anatomy in time to go to back to work...Ha!


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