Thursday, April 03, 2014

The Stealthy Snakipeder Army.

The snow is finally (mostly) gone in my yard, and what's left is just the ghostly evidence of the Snakipeder  invasion. The dogs attempted valiantly to reduce their numbers over the winter: digging furiously and pouncing like giant (and unwieldy) cats on invisible critters beneath the snowpack.
There was a whole goddamn BASE of them in the yard!
Where the FUCK are my armed squirrels?? 
 Clearly they failed, judging by the fricken MILES of under-snow-grass roadways the bastards had engineered.

In other news, the voles are all gone now that the snow's melted...presumably they've joined the snakipeders in our crawlspace. Have fun with that, new renters. I'm replacing the failing defenses with sharks. Because...sharks.

Like scarecrows, but for Snakipeders. Right? 
No, I DON'T have anything better to do today. I'm wasting time until my flight to Houston, where I'm interviewing tomorrow and since I choose not to puke while I wait, I'm writing nonsense instead.


  1. Nooooo! Not the Return of Bride of the Deadly Evil Snakipeders Part 2! Say it isn't so.

    Definitely need to get those scaresharks in place. And I'd put lasers on them. Because sharks, with LASERS. Also, figure out where your armed squirrels went, just for good measure.

    Good luck on the interview!

    1. Thank you! :) YES!! Sharks with lasers and armed squirrels to RIDE them!

  2. Roxie9:57 AM

    I have had it with these mfing Snakipeders in this mfing lawn!

    1. Bwahahahaha!! Yes, exactly.


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