Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Please Keep Your Feet Inside The Vomit Tank At All Times...

You guys, I may be just a wee bit tipsy and stuff because restaurants in Texas don't fuck around with the whole margarita in your Tequila in your margarita thing, and I apologize in advance if this post sucks. Or makes your tummy queasy.

But why, for the love all that's holy or unholy...WHY?

WHY would you name your massage parlor BARFY FOOT MASSAGE? I'm not kidding. There's a place in a strip mall down here, next to Dave's Dinners To Go, called Barfy Foot Massage.

BARFY. As in hork, puke, chunder, hurl, vomit...

I drive past this place twice a day, and I still wonder how the fuck a sign like that gets hung in a relatively upscale-ish neighborhood. Is it a really unfortunate typo brought on by English being a second language? This is a very multicultural city, and I could see that happening, but if it's the case somebody at the Texas business licensing office is just a dick.

Is it intentional? Maybe a reference to footstench? Or a way to discourage the assholes who assume any massage parlor is THAT sort of massage parlor? Barfy in the name doesn't really say "happy ending" to me...although maybe it's a secret code for some fetish I've never heard of and WILL NOT BE LOOKING UP ON THE INTERWEBZ BECAUSE RULE 34 IS IN EFFECT HERE.

All I can imagine here is sticking your feet in a big tub of vomit for a massage. Not one of those pretty half-oak-barrel wine-grape stomping tubs, either...I envision masseurs in hazmat suits making you stand in an orange plastic bucket filled with some drunk dude's puke.

Seriously, I'd rather go to the fish-that-eat-your-callouses-off pedicure places than point my toes toward this place, and yet I'm sort of dying to find out if it's a legit massage parlor.

Until I gather the fortitude to peek inside, please, for your own sanity, do NOT google vomit fetishes. Rule 34. Besides, you'll just give the NSA another reason to wonder.

PS: Blogger's spellcheck doesn't recognize barfy, chunder, or hork. Fail: chunder is absolutely a word! It's just Australian. See: Men At Work's "Down Under" lyrics.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe the owner’s name is Barfy? Stranger names have happened.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well now that just makes me sad...I mean, who names their kid Barfy? And if your last name is Barfy...dude...I guess I'd change mine.

      Delete

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