Wednesday, March 23, 2016

But, What Kind of Person Deflowers COCONUTS?

You know, people REALLY overuse the term virgin.

Today, I got spam advertising 100% Organic Virgin Coconut Oil.


Let's ignore the fact that I can't really imagine how someone grows inorganic coconuts, since coconuts are plant life and therefore BY DEFINITION they are organic. Ok, so you want to argue "organic" in this case means grown without pesticides or whateverthefuck person-type interference? Fine, but have you ever actually opened a coconut? Yeah...hard to contaminate coconut water (and in fact, the difference between "organic" and "non-organic" is nil, per the NCBI). The term "organic" when it comes to this is purely a marketing ploy...falling for it is stupid.

But really...Virgin needs to STOP being used for food.

Because all I can think is...what sort of sick douche-nozzle fucks coconuts?

Hopefully not this guy.

That's right. I went there. You're welcome.

*Dear YouTube - thank Google for letting me find this clip of my personal favorite version.

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Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.