Thursday, September 15, 2016

Saving People From The Wrong Dangers: Epic Fail, CDC.

Apparently, the CDC had to issue YET ANOTHER warning to stupid humans who have a penchant for making out with chickens. Oh no, this isn't the first time people have been warned about the dangers of kissing chickens, and that makes me a little sad for the human race. Except, maybe they'll eventually take themselves out of the gene pool.

Because said idiots are catching salmonella by kissing and cuddling chickens and, per the warning, allowing chickens to wander about the house, including in the bedroom.

So...salmonella can now be considered an STD as well as a food-safety illness?

I'd really like to ask what the hell is wrong with people, but I suspect it's the same sort of freaks who try to make out with geese at the Renaissance Festival petting zoo, get bitten, and ask security if they'll get rabies.

Because goose rabies is a thing? Um, no. Also, people who are dumb enough to ask about goose rabies CLEARLY don't know how awful rabies actually is, if they're daring to make out with any creature they think MIGHT carry it. What the actual fuck.

I think we have bigger things to worry about than Darwin candidates who do inappropriate things with fowl.

Like clowns.

Random terrifying clowns who stand on the roadside or TRY TO LURE CHILDREN INTO THE WOODS.

This is actually happening in the Carolinas right now. Even Stephen King is scared of the idea. Now, I'm all for a good terrifying Halloween prank, but I'm a little baffled that the local police are blowing it off when there's the whole luring people-spawn into dark foresty places aspect. Obviously, some supernatural or alien terror is masquerading as clowns...and is really a giant spider in the sewer...wait, um...never mind.

Seriously, instead of going after the creepy creepers dressed as horrifying clown things, the local police appear to be more concerned about the ONE smart guy who went after the clown lurking in his yard with a machete.

I say GO YOU, machete dude. I'd be pretty pissed off to find one of those infernally cheerful creatures of hell in my yard, too...

Where's my machete?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. The shorter list unfortunately is what is right with people?

    1. True, but it IS a subjective list. I mean, I think it's COMPLETELY right when people are as f-ed up in the brainpan as I am. I just truly don't see the attraction to kissing something that has no lips?


Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.