Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Back with Spam - Oh Gloria, Your Marketing Fails.

I mean...I guess it's convenient that I can have groceries or pizza delivered right along with someone named Leah?

Honestly, Leah, even if I had the appropriate gear you're asking for, I have to say I'm not really the "any will do" type.

Dear Yahoo mail and the Gloria Coopers of the world (I assume she's the madam in this case?)...still not a dude.

What the actual fuck.

PS: Dear Instacart,

Stop enabling my laziness, you terrible siren song of convenience. Next time I have an I'm-crabby-bring-me-chocolate-or-die craving and can't bother to put on pants*, I'm looking you up, with a note saying just knock and leave groceries outside the door, because I still can't be bothered to pants. Thanks!

*You probably think this mood is too specific to occur often. You are wrong. 

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Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.