Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Be the Reason for Cranky Cynics

I saw a meme today that said "Be the reason someone believes there's goodness in the world." Ugh. Just...ugh. That's WAYYYYYYY too much pressure for snarky cynical me: I suggest the following alternatives. Feel free to add your own.

Be the reason... someone wonders when they landed in an alternate dimension. I mean, who doesn't want tea with an eyeless tentacled creature from that other universe? You know, the one you find in the closet? 

Be the reason... someone believes in mediocrity. Hey, goodness can be overwhelming. Some days mediocrity is fucking FANTASTIC. 


Be the reason... someone picks up their own goddamn dishes. Why yes, actually, from now on dishes you leave in the living room WILL be piled on your pillow. (This is perhaps an awkward tactic if you live alone. I suggest finding inappropriate alternatives in that case.)


Be the reason... someone says "what the actual fuck is WRONG with you?" Self explanatory, really. It's likely my favorite because it happens so often. 


Be the reason... for a powerfully awkward silence.  I'd like to brag here that I've practiced this art since I was five, and I'm an adept. You may bow, or be afraid...either works. 


Be the reason... someone says "is that an EAR on the floor?" Thanks Ragnar. Um, for the record, it was a dog ear...not a real dog ear, one from a stuffed dog. Torn off, presumably, by the real dog, who regularly channels his Viking namesake and berserks all over his toys. It's pretty gross. 

Be the reason your favorite coffee house stays open. How else does one get all that mediocrity accomplished? 


Be the reason...you have a fun and entertaining holiday season. Yep, even if it's purely because you're reveling in your own personal style of insanity. 


If a little kindness sneaks in there and you make someone's day better by accident or on purpose, or you find you're having a horrifying moment of sentimental warm FEELINGS...don't worry.

I won't tell.

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