Wednesday, September 11, 2013

No Ma'am, Bees Don't Have Teeth.

Another weekend sitting at the First Aid gate at Renaissance Festival.

Another weekend of things. Saturday a drunk (sigh) woman tried to impale her head on a fence post. She succeeded in splitting her lip from nostril down so thoroughly she likely needed multiple sets of stitches.

Someone thought First Aid should have an oxygen tank, for those people who come out on a 90+ degree dusty/poor air quality day who are dependent upon oxygen to get around. Why did this person think the Festival should provide oxygen? Because he LEFT HIS TANK IN THE CAR AND WAS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO GO GET IT. It's good I wasn't in the office when said person stopped by: some stupid just doesn't deserve a nice response.

Most of my Sunday was listening to this: "I was just bitten by a bee. Do you have something to fix it?"

First of all, bees don't have teeth. They cannot bite you. They don't carry rabies. Second, there is no cream/medicine/magic wand the EMTs in First Aid can wave to make it all better (other than making sure the stinger is out). They give you ice and send you on your way. The poor teenage girl who got stung on the butt was the only one who garnered sympathy from me Sunday, because she was already embarrassed about the damn bee flying up her shorts.

Geese, however... they're evil fuckers. A few years ago Husband was a roving security dude at the Renaissnce Festival and was stopped by a very worried (adult, as in "should know better") woman who'd been "bitten" by a goose.

Concerned woman: "A goose just bit my lip!! Do I need first aid?"
Husband: "How exactly did a goose bite your lip, ma'am?"
Concerned woman: "I was giving it a kiss, and it BIT me!" (note this should be read with the appropriate amount of ignorant indignation).
Husband (while attempting not to laugh in her face), "Stop kissing the geese, ma'am."
CrazyGooseKisser: "What if I get rabies?"
Husband: "Fowl don't carry rabies."

CrazyGooseKisser: "Oh, ok."

Indeed, that entire situation was logged in the Security logs for the year, and thus has been saved for posterity. Mwahahahaha.

I DO have two more Townhome character posts pending...I've just been occupied with Fest silliness.

4 comments:

  1. This past weekend other than the lady who was a paramedic and went down from the heat was actually pretty tame for me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Stop kissing geese, Ma'am" should be the title of someone's memoirs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh good gravy! What drugs was this lady on to think it was ok to kiss a goose??

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Stop kissing geese, Ma'am."

    Your husband is WINNING :)

    ReplyDelete

Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.