Friday, July 28, 2017

A Collection of "WTF" Moments


I don't have a real post today, just a couple things not sufficient to be separate postiness. 

Yesterday I realized that Lifetime is both blatant and subtle in their fitness encouragement. The towels in the locker room, for example, don't fit anyone with over 110lbs OR with a D cup. Because what better way to make a woman feel huge than by providing a scratch hand towel for showers. Honestly, I'm both irritated and vaguely impressed at the all-encompassing reminders within those walls to get in shape. And every time I go, I think "what am I doing here, I could hike and lift weights at home for free". 

Chewy is hanging on like a champ, far longer than I thought he would. He's discovered the fabulous world of painkillers, and gets about two hours per day of perkiness. Death and I still hang on the couch while Chewy snores (he's sleeping about 20 out of every 24 hours). I considered asking him to teach me Backgammon or Canasta, but decided I don't really want to play games with Death. 

Therefore, since I hold the control to the remote, I've gotten him addicted to The Real Housewives of New York and Below Deck Mediterranean. MWAHAHAHA. 

Hey! I don't watch them...I have no idea what you're talking about. I read instead!  

Anyway...I'm done with this post, except I found some neat things in my iphone notes: 

Cal King Sheets - It's not that weird - I have to give family a birthday list, this happens to be the first item

Knitting Assassin - Have you SEEN the eyeball-poker weapons used for knitting? Seriously. Fear the quiet ones.

The first time she ate his heart... - No lie, I have no idea what this was for, and that only makes it better. 

the path of flames - Random book title I keep meaning to find in the library.

Quilters Dark Web - Jodie, I'm looking at you for a quilt that opens a dimensional portal. Preferably not to Hell - be careful.
 
Lickubus - Incubii are male sex demons. Succubii are female sex demons...NOTHING I add to this is appropriate for anyone. Move along. 

Dad's sloppy joes - After all the others I know it sounds dirty. Nope - actual recipe. Yum. Also, seems like an excellently weird non-sequitor from the Lickubus note.

Ta tu cuis anois - "you're hers now".  In reference to Brighton Beach north of Duluth, MN, where Lake Superior occasionally uses her deadly power not to sink ships, but to gently sculpt rocks into heart shapes. I LOVE that. 

If someone ever stole my phone, I think the horror of the weird shit in there would prompt them to give it back before I kill them. 

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