Wednesday, December 04, 2013

UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I'm a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)

Oh Yahoo spam mail, you do make my week awesome:

  • Yesterday I got five separate invitations to join JDate. That would be the Jewish Dating service.
  • Today (so far) I've received three Christian Mingle offers. 
  • And four different penis-enhancement-emails (viagra/cialis drugs, enlargements)

Evidently I have a whole catalog of issues: small penis size, under-performing penis action (not surprising since I don't have one), spiritual confusion and desperate loneliness for people of my own faith (which seems to change daily). I suppose offering me enlargements and helpful drugs could be considered supportive if I were considering changing my sex (which, by the way, I 100% support for others but have never considered for myself...and I think it's cool as hell that people HAVE the option to do so now if they need it).

In other news, I'm sorely tempted to sign up with BOTH Christian Mingle and JDate, but listing my religion as confused for both. I wonder how many matches I'd get?

PS: AS I WROTE THIS POST: the 4th Christian Mingle offer came in. "Find Love Through Faith at Christian Mingle" but really, it doesn't define WHICH faith. Can I join as a married pagan??

You guys, I'm totally responding. I want to know if I can advertise my Taboo Essentials website: it's for couples!


I'm apparently having hair loss issues now, as well. However, said spam for hair growth WAS aimed toward women, so's a step up.


  1. Man, Yahoo is just throwing everything they got at you and hoping something sticks. JEWISH! CHRISTIAN! SMALL PENIS! NON-WORKING PENIS! INVISIBLE PENIS!

    When I look at my Spam folder, sometimes I silently thank my XX chromosomes. Being a guy must suck if you aren't "blessed" --one of the few times I feel sorry for them.

    Funny post as usual, Jess :)

  2. I've gotten multiple emails telling me I can have free sluts for life.

    I wonder if they clean bathrooms?


Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.