Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.



So, as of this morning:

  • I'm broke but I can get cash in an hour!
  • I'm an *ahem* underhung dude (or I have size self-esteem problems) but NO WORRIES: we can extend you!
  • I'm lonely, but luckily there's both Match and eHarmony to accommodate my dating tastes.
  • If dating with my newly enlarged junk is too painful, I can take supplements for my old-man-overused-joint problems!
  • And unfortunately even though I have all these quick fixes:
    •  Death and Taxes are COMING TO GET ME. 
I am thoroughly amused. After all, aren't death and taxes coming to get everyone eventually? 

Death and Taxes are on the way, so get your junk in shape, take some pills, borrow a shitload of cash and "date" as many people as you can? Well, I suppose that's a philosophy, Yahoo Mail. Point to you. 

In other news, I owe a January story from my 2014 Calendar Story Project. I'm starting a new page to my blog for free stories (meaning the ones I don't submit for publication anywhere and just write for the hell of it). Look for that later this week. 
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5 comments:

  1. Sarah10:42 AM

    I like how they're all nonchalant about your impending death. "So, bad news. . ." Does the email itself have any good news? Don't they understand the dynamic required here?

    All my gMail spam is so boring. . . which is probably why my recent Facebook spam adventure was fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. N/A11:07 PM

    Your spam is more fun than mine :) Do you get both Christian Mingle AND J-Date dating? I do... not sure what that is all about.

    Good luck with both Death and Taxes. If death gets you first, well, I guess taxes can take a hike.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jess2:39 PM

      I totally DO get both Christian Mingle and JDate. And eHarmony. And "slutty housewives looking to cheat" which really seems to be...poorly marketed to get to my email. Snort.

      Delete
  3. Michelle1:12 PM

    I get a lot for 'free sluts' and penis enlargement. What every 50 year old grandmother needs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jess2:36 PM

      Heehee. Sometime I have to tell the story of my grandma's adventures on online dating. Because there's obviously no better way to get hooked up with a grandma (in my mind) than by sending thumbnail pics of old man junk.

      Delete

Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.

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