Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.



So, as of this morning:

  • I'm broke but I can get cash in an hour!
  • I'm an *ahem* underhung dude (or I have size self-esteem problems) but NO WORRIES: we can extend you!
  • I'm lonely, but luckily there's both Match and eHarmony to accommodate my dating tastes.
  • If dating with my newly enlarged junk is too painful, I can take supplements for my old-man-overused-joint problems!
  • And unfortunately even though I have all these quick fixes:
    •  Death and Taxes are COMING TO GET ME. 
I am thoroughly amused. After all, aren't death and taxes coming to get everyone eventually? 

Death and Taxes are on the way, so get your junk in shape, take some pills, borrow a shitload of cash and "date" as many people as you can? Well, I suppose that's a philosophy, Yahoo Mail. Point to you. 

In other news, I owe a January story from my 2014 Calendar Story Project. I'm starting a new page to my blog for free stories (meaning the ones I don't submit for publication anywhere and just write for the hell of it). Look for that later this week. 

5 comments:

  1. I like how they're all nonchalant about your impending death. "So, bad news. . ." Does the email itself have any good news? Don't they understand the dynamic required here?

    All my gMail spam is so boring. . . which is probably why my recent Facebook spam adventure was fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your spam is more fun than mine :) Do you get both Christian Mingle AND J-Date dating? I do... not sure what that is all about.

    Good luck with both Death and Taxes. If death gets you first, well, I guess taxes can take a hike.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally DO get both Christian Mingle and JDate. And eHarmony. And "slutty housewives looking to cheat" which really seems to be...poorly marketed to get to my email. Snort.

      Delete
  3. I get a lot for 'free sluts' and penis enlargement. What every 50 year old grandmother needs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee. Sometime I have to tell the story of my grandma's adventures on online dating. Because there's obviously no better way to get hooked up with a grandma (in my mind) than by sending thumbnail pics of old man junk.

      Delete

Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.