Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Oh Groupon,You Sneaky Assassin

Today, nestled in the innocuous Groupon email offers for tasty dinners, pedicures, and odd products, there was a super awesome opportunity for cheap Skydiving.

Let's not focus on how I'd rather pay full price for a death-defying activity for now. I'm not against skydiving: I'd be interested except I'd barf on the poor tandem person I'm strapped to, resulting in said tandem person unstrapping me out of sheer disgust (and blindness), resulting in my horrific splatty death.

Ok...so maybe skydiving isn't for me.

Regardless, the actual description is as follows:

IN A NUTSHELL
After 15 minutes of training, you'll enjoy a free fall from 10,00 ft. and gentle landing while strapped to a USPA Certified Tandem Master.

I'm not sure about you, but I'd want more than 15 minutes of fucking training before I scream my way through a 10,000 foot fall and  gentle splat.

I'm on to you, Groupon.

3 comments:

  1. Roxie2:16 PM

    I wonder if you could take music with you on the jump. I would play Kenny Loggins "Hiiiiiii waaaaaay tooooo the DANGER ZONE!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HELL YES! Bwahahahaha!

      Husband said he'd feel sorry for the poor tandem person, because I'd probably pee on him/her. I'm pretty sure he just compared me to a puppy piddling out of fear. I suppose it could be worse.

      Delete
  2. While I like the idea of skydiving in THEORY, in reality I would never do it. I just cannot get past the free fall thing – I don’t care how much people say that once you get to terminal velocity you can’t really “feel the fall” anymore. And let’s not forget – it’s TERMINAL velocity, which can lead to a (as you so aptly phrased it) a “splatty death.”

    ReplyDelete

Unload your brainpan, but please prove you're not a Russian spam-bot. Or Skynet. I don't want the T1000 after me.